One of my hopes for this page, besides making me world famous
in New Zealand, is for it to be interactive.
See, newspaper people are on a lofty perch, unapproachable
and cling to tradition and things like `grammar', `syntax'
The web is the medium of the plebs.
I am just like you: I drive a Bentley, have six gold teeth,
own polar bear cub fur underwear and hate Australians.
So, if you have any questions about America, would like to
tell me how great I am or need assistance in securing the
rights to the unitedstatesofotagosucks.co.nz domain (which, I
own, thanks), post your diatribes at the bottom of my gems.
Or email me at email@example.com
Now, on to business.
One of the great things about living on the undercarriage of
the world is not having to deal with the important, yet
mostly vital stuff that goes on in civilization (the US).
So, enjoy reading about what I think is important:
1. Red Sox pitcher Jon Lester tossed a no-hitter on May 19.
For nine innings, the whole game, Lester (24) did not allow a
Kansas City Royals batter to notch a hit in Boston's 9-0 win
at Fenway Park.
Throwing a no-hitter is rare and considered an extraordinary
Lester's gem was the 18th in Red Sox history (which stretches
back more than a century) and the first by a Red Sox
left-hander since 1956.
But that's not the whole story.
Lester is a cancer survivor.
On September 2, 2006, Lester, then just a 22-year-old
promising rookie, announced he had been diagnosed with a rare
form of non-Hodgkin's lymphoma, a blood cancer, and began
treatment the next week.
Lester, who had breezed through the minor leagues, dominating
at nearly every level, then faced a slog of chemotherapy
treatments and the long road back not just to
baseball-fitness, but good general health.
But he did it.
Just 10 months after finishing cancer treatments and being
declared cancer-free, Lester started and won the
championship-clinching Game 4 of the World Series on October
Following his amazing game against the Royals, Lester said,
"When you get people coming up to you on the street that you
don't know and telling you that you're an inspiration to
them, you don't know what to say to them, you don't know how
to act, you don't know what to do."
2. Still talking baseball.
Could we see the haka at Fenway Park? Well, there's a chance.
Australian 16-year-old Boss Moanaroa (you can't make that
name up) became the first Maori to sign a contract with a
Major League Baseball club when he signed a 7-year deal with
the Boston Red Sox.
"The scariest thing about Boss is the fact he's never lifted
a weight in his life," Red Sox scout and Australian coach Jon
Deeble told the Daily Telegraph.
"He's big, strong and has a great swing.
The balls really bounce off the bat for him.
I think he'll be really exciting," he said of the lefty
Moanaroa lives in Teralba, a suburb of Newcastle, New South
The Year 11 Hunter Sports High student will be given the
chance to complete his studies while fine-tuning his game at
the major league academy on the Gold Coast.
Moanaroa, who reportedly received a US$100,000 signing bonus,
is projected to join the Red Sox minor league set up for the
Boss was also a champion BMX rider, but gave up league at
young age he said because his mother Seikura "didn't want me
to get hurt".
3. A dream-final is brewing in the NBA.
Everyone living outside of the Greater San Antonio and
Greater Detroit areas is pulling hard for a Boston
Celtics-Los Angeles Lakers finals series.
The two teams are the glamour franchises of yore, but have
intermittently been irrelevant in recent years.
My beloved Celtics have gone 21 years since an appearance in
the NBA finals and 22 since a championship.
Boston has suffered through its share of irrelevance since.
With the acquisition of Ray Allen and Kevin Garnett in the
off-season, the Celtics became title-contending titans.
The Lakers meanwhile had their own run of player-acquisition
brilliance when they traded for centre Pau Gasol mid-season
and gave back to the Grizzlies what amounted to McDonald's
vouchers, a pair of old basketball sneakers and a half dozen
used syringes sourced from Venice Beach.
Lakers star Kobe Bryant asked to be traded before the season,
but since has found an effective supporting cast and
magically stopped with his petulant star act.
Both teams finished the regular season with the best records
in their respective conferences, but advancing to the
championship series is still serious doubt.
Both the Celtics and the Lakers lead in their best-of-seven
San Antonio and Detroit have accounted for four out of the
last five NBA championships and are known for their iron-clad
defence and cool in the clutch.
The Lakers and Celtics haven't faced each other in the finals
since 1987 (a Lakers win), but the rekindling of their
rivalry will do wonders to shift the league's post-season
spotlight from the mostly drab, yet annoyingly efficient
Spurs and Pistons.