Blame it on the hippies

Sometimes - usually, in fact - it is important to apportion blame.

Most decent people spend a lifetime on this enjoyable hobby for the leisure classes.

Mothers are usually at the top of the heap in the blame game, but local authorities, governments and foreigners can be called in if necessary.

But who is to blame for Camelot?

Hippies. People who are obsessed with The Lord of the Rings. And people who are obsessed with Dungeons and Dragons. All of these are to blame for this fleshy fantasy from production house Starz.

They are also possibly to blame for Game of Thrones, the extremely naughty medieval fleshy fantasy previewed recently in this column.

I let that one pass without apportioning blame, but if this is to be some sort of medieval flesh, blood and incest-fest, it is time to start pointing the finger.

Firstly, know this; Camelot is a timeless and powerful tale (promotional blurb promises) of the legendary King Arthur and a stunning cast of people paid to act in television series.

Episode one - beginning October 4 on Prime - begins with King Uther's daughter Morgan coming home after 15 years or so growing up in a nunnery.

She is angry, vengeful and clearly well versed in the arts of murder, seduction and rampant, unchecked sexuality.

Hmmmmmm ... I wonder what religious denomination that nunnery was associated with?

She promptly poisons King Uther, exiles her stepmother and seduces her father's arch-rival.

Morgan is played by Eva Green, named by Entertainment Weekly as the fourth-best Bond Girl (Vesper Lynd in Casino Royale).

Meanwhile, Uther's other son, Arthur, is a blond young lothario, whom we meet ploughing the fields of young womanhood nudely in the forest.

The young and curious should best look away at this point, despite actor Jamie Campbell Bower having been in Twilight and Harry Potter.

Arthurian sorcerer Merlin is played by Joseph Fiennes, who has starred with the likes of Liv Tyler and Cate Blanchett.

Nice work if you can get it, but in Camelot he spends too much time being dark and brooding, which gets lame very quickly.

To cut a long series short, Arthur must unite his kingdom while also indulging his interest in country matters with the fair Guinevere.

But back to blame. What is behind these medieval fantasies?

The suspects are these: long hair, leather vests, head bands, superstition, ignorance, and a desperate desire to return to the Dark Ages.

The culprits are hippies and The Lord of the Rings fans.

Put the two together and you have Camelot.

Someone must stop them.

- Charles Loughrey.