Oh the pain, but the jeans fit on

Queenstown bureau chief Tracey Roxburgh documents the highs and lows in the Queenstown Winter Festival Lindauer Ladies Fitness and Fashion Challenge.

Saturday, May 15
11am:
Have spent majority of morning psyching myself up to go to gym where I shall put myself through torture that is Bring the Sexy Back workout.
Have finally reached Lakes Leisure carpark.

11.02am: Cellphone goes.
Am diverted to "landslip" at Devil's Staircase.
This does not please me.

11.32am: Reach "landslip".
Is in fact six rocks on side of road. Am now in bad mood.
If I had not been diverted, would be close to finishing torturous workout by now.

Noon: Back at gym.
Decide to take bad mood out on cross trainer and rower.

12.22pm: Am steaming through workout.
Do not need to look at any reflective surfaces to know I am colour of beetroot.
People at gym staring at me, possibly out of concern at any moment I may have heart attack.

12.30pm: On track for beating best time on 45-minute workout.
Realise the faster I go, the faster this is over.

12.32pm: Have reached warp speed on cross trainer.
Just saw the speed reader hit 24.
Must look ridiculous.
Am in position similar to squat, with body relatively still.
Arms and legs are going so fast they must look like a blur.

12.40pm: Am tempted to lie on gym floor in recovery position.
Beat best time by four minutes.

1.20pm: Am now in recovery position on couch.

2pm: Have finally summoned energy to have shower and get dressed.
See favourite jeans which have not been worn in about a year.
Eye them up. Decide today is the day to try them on.
Quietly chant "Please let them fit" while holding breath.

2.01pm: Jeans are on.
Did not have to jump to pull them up (as I did when I bought them, thinking - wrongly - they would "give"), did not have to lie down to do them up and can stand and sit without them cutting my midsection in half. Am very, very happy.

3pm: Have been to see friend at work and have told her about my jeans.
Have also just told her workmates.
And, anyone else who will listen.