What we value

In the column two weeks ago we looked at what values are, where they come from and what life might be like if we live our lives based on them.

This week there's an exercise to help you work out what your core values are.

How do we know what our values are?Values can be an abstract concept that's a bit difficult to wrap your head around.

Here are two exercises you can use to help you start to discover yours.

YOUR 133RD BIRTHDAY BASH
You are celebrating a significant birthday.

There will be a speech given about you by a good friend.

Put aside some time when you won't be interrupted.

Write that speech as if it's your friend writing about you.

What sort of person you've been throughout your life, what you've achieved, what others comment on. When you've written it, rip it up and do it again.

It takes a couple of attempts for us to shake the modesty off and to get over feeling a bit odd writing about ourselves.

Get as carried away as you like, you don't have to show this to anyone, unless you choose to.

Now take a coloured pen and underline all the words and ideas you like about yourself.

Can you group the ideas into themes?

Can you describe the theme in a word or a picture?

Perhaps the words are quite obvious to you, maybe they are more a feeling, try to describe them as best you can.

Make a list of words and/or themes.

ROLE MODEL EXERCISE
Think of someone you admire, a role model.

It's great if the person is someone you know and they've been an influence on you at some stage of your life.

Maybe it's your mother, or a teacher, colleague, or good friend.

It doesn't matter so much who they are as what they're like.

Put aside 30 minutes and sit down where you won't be interrupted.

Think about your role model. What is it that you most admire about them, what qualities influenced you?

Were they loving, generous, peaceful, funny, did they have integrity, determination, and perseverance?Now take a coloured pen and underline all the words and ideas as in the exercise above.

Now take your list.

When you have a list of words take a pen and as you read through them put a line through any that you hesitate over, or aren't quite sure about. Circle any that jump out as going ''pick me'' or you say ''I like that''.

Get the list down to about 10.

Go through the exercise again and whittle it down to five or six at the maximum.

Here are some tips to help you!If you need it to be happy, it's a need, not a value.

If you are doing it to get something else, there's an agenda, it's not a value.

If you want it but it's a struggle, it may be a ''should'' not a value.

When you are happy with your core values list, write them out and keep them where you can see them.

Start to orient what you do and who you are around them. You can do the exercises every couple of years to keep them updated.

Values will truly anchor your life.

 -Jan Aitken is a Dunedin-based life coach. For more go to www.fitforlifecoaches.co.nz.

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