It's those hormones again, wriggling around causing great discomfort and stirring trouble. Teenager is spoiling for a fight.
I see a parallel with the recent cyclone. You can see it coming, watch it building to category 5, calculate the path it's likely to take, and anticipate the devastation as it heads your way, but there's one thing you cannot do: stop its relentless march.
You could try meeting the approaching tempest head on: ''If you want an argument, I'll give you an argument.''
However, I know how that ends. Same as railing at the wind. Said teenager will storm on and then out in great fury and only I suffer, along with poor brother or sister or teacher.
Teen didn't actually know why he was feeling like he was, but I'd obliged by giving him, in his mind, a good reason for being in a bad mood. It certainly now wasn't his fault.
Teen had won and I had lost. Well, no, not really. In the end, both of us had lost.
Observing in a pleasant, concerned voice that something appears to be wrong might work and bring a torrent of relieved tears, or it might bring a yelled sarcastic comment or personal attack about how you cut your hair or drive the car. No response or even a humorous (as against sarcastic) comment might work, but, more often than not, it's better to leave it for the moment and walk away.
Be aware of your own stress times. On these occasions, it can be like trying to negotiate your way through a minefield: the slightest pressure of the foot in the wrong place can trigger a disaster. Take some time out, scream into a pillow or give the spuds a good hard mashing.
Most of the issues that create these sorts of arguments are minor or not even worth a second breath if you think about it. Try to save the arguments for the things that really matter, things that involve potential harm or are bottom-line unacceptable.
Even then, don't argue. Make clear your expectations and the consequences. But, be careful here, too. In your anger, don't set a consequence you're going to have to back down on. You really have lost if you have to do that.
Unfortunately, it's often the little, unexpected irritations that catch us off-guard. If you find yourself caught up in one of these, try to extricate yourself as quickly as possible: ''This is getting us nowhere. I don't want to talk about it now. Let's leave it till later when we've both cooled down.''
Or just hide in the toilet for a while.
- Ian Munro
