The Four Ws Rule that I discussed a couple weeks ago is apparently responsible for teenage tantrums in one reader's family.
Mum and Dad decided to institute the rule for their daughter whose comings and goings were starting to worry them.
Now they're faced with: ''I've got no social life now and it's all your fault''.
To recap, the Four Ws Rule means that the following need to be answered before you can leave the house:
• WHERE are you going?
• WHO are you going with?
• WHAT are you going to do?
• WHEN will you be home?
This teen responded as if having to answer these questions was an infringement of her human rights. Refusing to do so had meant that she had been stuck at home all week.
Apparently she performed as if she'd been imprisoned and would be forgotten forever by her friends, conveniently forgetting that she had spent each day at school and continued to text non-stop.
Despite the exaggerated claims, the tears, door-slamming and whatever else, you do have to set such limits and stick to them.
As a parent, you have every right to make decisions based on the known behaviour of their friends. And it should be ''known behaviour'', although impressions can also set alarm bells ringing and increase your vigilance.
By setting limits, you aren't stopping them from having a social life, but you are ring-fencing them from consequences to which they could be vulnerable.
All your decisions should be made in line with your family values, regardless of what is happening in other families. Just because friends stay out late, have access to alcohol, or have the latest mobile phone doesn't mean that your youngsters have to follow suit.
You aren't killing their social life; they can still make and have friends.
Ultimately, they do have to learn to deal with these things and make their own judgements, but until they can see for themselves the potential consequences, you need to provide some limitations.
And they will still make mistakes and have consequences to face, although you should stand there beside them.
If they commit a traffic offence, ensure that they pay the fine themselves, even if you have to lend them the money.
If they and their friends have committed an act of vandalism, ensure they make appropriate reparations and add an extra requirement of your own.
If some of their friends do decide that they no longer want to know them, then that says a lot about the friends and their values.
Once your teen starts to see this and demonstrates an understanding of why you have these limitations, you can start slowly to back off.
