October is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance
Month. Reporter Shawn McAvinue approached Abbotsford couple
Julie and John Moyle to talk about their son Benjamin, who died
in utero seven weeks ago, and the importance of grieving and
Abbotsford couple John (43) and Julie (34) Moyle live with
the loss of their son Benjamin. Photo by Peter McIntosh.
Julie Moyle said she and her husband were handed their
17-week-old son Benjamin when he was born.
''We found out he had died two days before I had him, and I
had to give birth to him, and we got to spend as much time
with him as we wanted.''
John Moyle said Benjamin had ''10 fingers, 10 toes, ears and
tongue - everything.''
''He was a perfect little baby,'' Mrs Moyle said.
Mr Moyle said Benjamin was taken to a funeral director for a
service attended by family, including their three children,
William (5), Kate (3) and Annabel (1).
Mrs Moyle said although Benjamin could not legally be issued
with a birth certificate - because he was younger than 20
weeks - the couple had put a death notice in the newspaper.
''For us, his death was as significant as our living
Miscarriage, stillbirth or the death of a newborn was a taboo
subject for many, especially ''white, middle class Kiwis''.
Grieving was more accepted in other cultures, she said.
''It's a sad part of our culture. We are not good at grief.''
The public health system could provide greater support for
''By means of support, I've heard nothing from the hospital -
not a thing.''
She had joined the Dunedin Baby Bereavement group and had
attended a meeting since Benjamin's death.
''They're fabulous - really, really good, but there weren't
many mums there. It's almost like there's the shame of going
... I find that so sad.''
In the United States, there were ''massive walks'' of hope
''They are like the Relay for Life. They get together for a
day to honour their baby. There's nothing like that here.
Benjamin will be a part of me until I die.''
Mr Moyle said people should react to a pregnancy and infant
loss the same way as any other death - by sending flowers and
consoling the people who had lost the child.
Mrs Moyle said most friends and family provided ''amazing''
support but some had avoided them, which hurt.
''If people remember that this person lives with it every day
... [and] treat him like a living human being, because he was
for me. From the day I found out I was pregnant, he