Cyberbullying a cause close to Jayden’s heart (+ video)

Jayden Cromb. Photo by Stephen Jaquiery.
Jayden Cromb. Photo by Stephen Jaquiery.
Jayden Cromb is expecting his first child in November.

The idea of bringing a child into the world has driven the stark reality of cyberbullying home once again.

"I'm now looking at the life of my own child and thinking, 'I want them to be safe,' and I don't want the same thing happening again, because it can happen so easily,'' he said.

Mr Cromb lost his brother to suicide in 2012, and made an attempt on his own life in the aftermath, with cyberbullying a burden on both their lives.

David Jade, known as "DJ'', was 14 at the time.

"It wasn't until a month later that we found out a big factor of it had been cyberbullying,'' Mr Cromb said, adding the bullying had been "continuous''.

"Eventually, it just got a bit much for him. He just didn't talk to anyone, didn't tell any of us.''

The 21-year-old president of the Otago Polytechnic Students' Association said: "I was 16 at the time and it was enough to go through processing the fact that my little brother would do that, but then to find out that somebody else had been involved in the cause for it.

"I've moved on from what he [DJ] has done, but that's still the part I've never moved on from, knowing that somebody else was [bullying him] secretly.''

The situation was made even more difficult because living in the small rural Otago town of Ranfurly meant he was forced to see his brother's bully every day at school.

"I couldn't escape him.''

The situation took its toll on him, and when he tried to find someone to talk to, he became the brunt of abusive text messages and online harassment.

He ended up in Dunedin Hospital, and eventually received counselling.

Mr Cromb's experience prompted him to take up positions with university and student organisations to "get the message out and tell people they need to talk about it and we need to sort it''.

"I know it's not an easy conversation to have, but it's one that we desperately need to be having.''

He advised anyone suffering cyberbullying to talk to someone about it from the beginning.

"It may not seem significant now when it starts, but you need to talk to somebody. Even if it's just a friend at that stage, or a staff member or parent or an auntie or uncle, just somebody that you trust.

"It's good to talk about it and get it out, because if you just bottle it all up it eventually can just become too much. No matter how horrible or dark it feels at the moment, you can get through it. You just need support and you need to just take your time.''

And he urged cyberbullies to think about what they are doing and the hurt they are causing someone.

"Just because you can't see it, doesn't mean it's not happening,'' he said.

"For whatever reason they're doing it, even if it's just to make themselves feel better about something in their own lives, that five minutes of feeling better, is it really worth the pain they can cause others and other people's families that will last a lifetime?''

He added: "And if it gets to the point where they [the victim] take their own life, it's the effects that it has on their friends and family, and you never get over it, you spend every single day of your life wondering about it.

"I've got my first child on the way at the moment [with fiancee Summer McLeod] and every day I just wonder, ‘what would it be like if my brother was still here, and he could be a part of this?'.

"My little sister turned 14 earlier this year, so she is now the same age as what he was, and the age that we all remember him at, so every single day is a struggle in one form or another. There's always a reminder somewhere.''

- Patrice Dougan 

 


Where to get help

Lifeline: 0800 543 354

Depression Helpline (8am-midnight): 0800 111 757

Healthline: 0800 611 116

Samaritans: 0800 211 211/(04) 473 9739

Suicide Crisis Helpline: 0508 828 865 (0508 TAUTOKO)

Youthline: 0800 376 633, free text 234 or email talk@youthline.co.nz

What's Up (for 5-18 year olds; 1pm-11pm): 0800 942 8787

Kidsline (aimed at children up to age 14; 4pm-6pm weekdays): 0800 54 37 54 (0800 kidsline) 


 

 

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