Summertime and infants off leash

Meryl Streep as Thatcher. Photo supplied.
Meryl Streep as Thatcher. Photo supplied.
Summer holidays - aren't they bliss? Mmmm. For some people ...

The main topic of conversation this last week seems to have been about manners, and especially children's manners.

Just in case you hadn't realised, if you are a parent you love your children WAY more than anyone else does.

And people, especially local grandparents who seem to have a lot of grandchildren around right now, love children with bad manners just as much as they love badly behaved dogs (speaking of which, Remarkable Vets sells fabulous dog leads called The World's Great Leaders with names like the Gandhi or Mandela. They may be good on truculent grandchildren).

This is the time of year to be crueller to your children.

Ignore them. Refuse to give them anything if they don't ask nicely, and take things back if they don't say thank you.

Saying "excuse me" doesn't mean they haven't interrupted your conversation. Ration the "excuse me's" to maybe one per hour.

Neglect is one of the kindest things you can do for your children, and there is far too little neglect around these days.

Mothers are never heard to say, "It's a lovely sunny day. Don't waste it being inside, get out of the house and I don't want to see you back till dinnertime" any more.

Such a pity.

Much has been made of the "smother" phenomenon. They are the mothers who spend far too much quality time with their children - fathers are far more adept at telling their treasures to buzz off while they read the paper.

If you are a mother, enjoy your holiday as well, and don't let your little brats be the cause of your social life drying up like the lawns in the Wakatipu this month.

I'm dreaming of a rainy day so that I can stay inside and do some inside jobs. My poor trees are dreaming of one as well - they are all panting in the heat and looking pale and pasty with their dusty coats on, trying to remember how it feels to be clean and green again.

Even the greenest part of the Wakatipu, the Glenorchy end of the Routeburn Track, is more khaki than emerald. We walked up there last week and even though I have been there dozens of times, I can't help oohing and aahing along with the first-time visitors at the deliciousness of it all, from the scary, churning canyons to the tameness of the little native robins. Lucky us having this beautiful outside so close to our inside.

The outside has definitely been calling me this week - the papers say this has been the hottest summer on record, but I'm sure summers were always like this when I was little. Day after day of baking hot sun eating warm apricots and cherries.

Anna Linley is doing a sterling job selling fruit outside the post office in Arrowtown and try as I might, I can't stop my fruit-buying habit.

All that fruit must have been giving me energy - I even went in a bike race down near Te Anau. As ever, I got us lost on the way and we were the last to enrol. While we faffed around deciding to enter the 32km option, the lovely local ladies organising the fundraiser told us not to hurry - they would hold the starting gun till we were ready.

Starting gun?

It was a starting cannon, and it must have been at least a kilometre before my heart stopped racing from the fright and did its ordinary racing from a teensy bit of exercise.

My trusty racing cycle with its bracket where the basket used to be is not so good on corrugated farm tracks. I persuaded one of my cycling friends to give up her Olympic dreams and finish at the 14km mark with me. The organisers were mightily impressed to see the two of us finish what was meant to have been the 32km race in such world-record beating time, especially as we weren't even puffing.

I was puffing later on as we went to Jeff Staniland's 50th party, which was combined with his and wife Jess' wedding anniversary and their two-year-late house-warming party. The theme was '70s dress and music - all those flared trousers, wide collars, long-haired men and tragic moustaches together with hideously easy-to-sing-along-to disco music was a perfect combo and had everyone on the dance floor shaking their groove things.

Happy everything, Jess and Jeff.

If you want to take your visitors somewhere really fascinating, head over to Dalefield to Gus Watson's summer art exhibition. Quite a lot have already been sold, but they are all well worth seeing and meeting Gus, who is one of the Wakatipu's best known characters living in what must definitely be the area's quirkiest house, is a real treat.

And while you are in the market for real treats, book a table at Amisfield. The worst-kept secret must be that one of the top chefs from Noma, officially last year's No 1 restaurant in the world, lovely Vaughan is now head chef there. Scandinavian influence on local produce is very exciting.

Or go and see The Iron Lady with Meryl Streep as Margaret Thatcher.

What a performance! Whether you liked Thatcher or not, this movie is a must.

From the minute the doddery old lady buying milk at the corner store starts recalling the days when she changed the whole face of the world, you'll be hooked. It's very, very funny and very, very sad and a brilliant way to look at this extraordinary period in our history. I am sure I have seen the best movie of 2012 and it's not even halfway through January.

Tomorrow is the Lake Hayes Show and I am all in a tizz over which classes to enter.

When I was little, I didn't sleep the week before the show as it was such a huge event in the local calendar.

Some years, judges who were early adopters of the "participation is paramount" school of thought, would give me a ribbon for just staying on my pony and that thrill kept me hooked on riding for a while.

I've grown out of ribbons and ponies now and all I want is a red card saying I am first in something. I don't really care what - eggs, thistles, crochet or flowers. I just want to beat someone else. Maybe I should sponsor a new competition for wrestling or hairpulling for housewives.

My hero, David Sedaris, who is a very, very funny writer, is coming to New Zealand. Well, not really New Zealand, just Auckland, next week.

He has written several books, best of which I am sure is Dress Your Family in Corduroy and Denim, although everyone I know seems to have other favourites. Look him up online and read his story on Chinese food if you want a taste of his ridiculous look at life.

 - miranda@queenstown.co.nz

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