For many years, our family kept three pet donkeys. Old Blue, Rebecca and Cocoa.
I quickly came to realise that donkeys are very wise by nature, and that we can learn a great deal from them.
Think of Eeyore, the character from Winnie the Pooh, who managed to live contentedly in his gloomy patch despite all his misfortune.
Somehow, Eeyore always made the very best out of the little that life had to offer him.
Donkeys are honest, reliable creatures.
A little old lady from Gore once told me at a Donkey Society AGM that in the old days, you could always trust a man who rode into town on a donkey.
He would be there to do honest business.
Conversely, one should always beware the man who rode into town prancing arrogantly on a horse.
He was bound to bring trouble!
Donkeys are also curious about their world.
Although widely viewed as stubborn and stupid, they are actually very thoughtful and inquisitive.
They hold a great disdain for horses, who seem to comply unquestioningly with human instruction.
In stark contrast, a donkey will always question a human instruction.
Donkeys can sometimes seem obstructive.
However, this characteristic arises simply from their unrelenting curiosity about the nature of their relationships with people.
For example, whenever we walked Rebecca down the street, she would delight in drifting around the other side of a lamppost, if ever she saw the chance.
This set up a situation where one party or the other had to back track.
Rebecca would gaze off into the far distance as if unaware of the impasse that she had created.
She would then wait patiently to see how the situation would be resolved.
Raising one's voice did not help in the slightest.
She simply stood and waited, like a chess player awaiting their opponent's next move.
The key thing about a situation like this is to avoid a donkey standoff.
This describes the situation where the human tugs furiously forwards, whilst the donkey simply leans backwards and refuses to budge.
There is only ever one winner in a donkey standoff, and so it should be avoided at all costs.
The solution, however, is simple.
You should stop pulling and, instead, stand alongside the donkey.
Gaze ahead wistfully, and establish a shared vision of the way forward.
Then quietly say walk on. The donkey will invariably respond positively to this, being a reasonable invitation to a mutually agreeable plan.
Resolving conflict in this way is a wonderfully powerful image.
It is one that we could all do well to remember in those occasionally testing situations that can occur, especially as we walk alongside our family and loved ones during the stresses of the festive season.
Donkeys are also compassionate.
The worldwide spiritual centre for donkey lovers is the Donkey Sanctuary in Salcombe, England. Our family made a pilgrimage there several years ago and it was one of the most moving experiences one could imagine.
There were elderly donkeys, obese donkeys, alcoholic donkeys, lame donkeys, abused donkeys and blind donkeys.
Each category had its unique issues.
The blind donkeys, in particular, were amazing.
Each had acquired a buddy donkey who had partnered up voluntarily to nudge its less fortunate friend around the paddock to where the better grass grew.
It was very humbling to see donkeys offering such quiet, unconditional support for fellow creatures in need.
Essentially, all of the donkeys had been victims of human abuse or neglect, but the sanctuary now allowed them to quietly live out their lives with dignity and respect.
The whole place radiated a wonderful sense of compassionate warmth based simply on the provision of basic support and kindness.
Finally, and again in acknowledgment of Christmas, we should remember that it was not just the wise men and the shepherds who attended the Nativity scene.
There was also a donkey, standing patiently and unobtrusively in the background.
The donkey would have been quietly anchoring the scene. It would have stayed well grounded, calm and respectful.
But sadly, as always, its presence would have hardly been noticed by the others at all. Typical!
Seasons greetings to you all.
- Chris Skellett is a registered clinical psychologist who lives in Warrington.
