"A friend of mine did something truly evil and I now
seriously question my own judgement," writes Lisa Scott, in
this account of how her world was turned inside-out on
discovering that Clayton Weatherston had killed Sophie
Elliott.
One Thursday in the summer of 2008, the clock radio clicked
on to Morning Report, as it does every morning in our house.
A 32-year-old Dunedin man had allegedly attacked and killed a
22-year-old woman in her home.
"It's Clayton," said my partner Paul, sitting bolt upright in
bed.
"Don't be ridiculous," I said.
Paul, who worked with Clayton at Otago University's economics
department, rang another of his work colleagues.
"It is Clayton," Paul said, tears running down his face.
"He's killed Sophie."
Earlier that week, Clayton and Sophie, his ex-girlfriend and
former student, had a screaming match in Clayton's office.
Clayton came to see Paul afterwards.
Paul told him losing his cool was stupid, that Sophie would
be leaving for her new job in Wellington at the end of the
week and Clayton never need see her again.
According to Clayton, Sophie was manipulative.
So what, I thought.
She's smart, ambitious, beautiful and only 22 years old.
Of course she's testing her power.
Paul was wary of taking sides in what was clearly a troubled
relationship.
That night he had a moment of prescience.
"Something terrible is going to happen," he said.
The day Clayton killed Sophie was his 32nd birthday.
On the whiteboard outside his office door his Mum, who had
come to take him out for lunch, had written in red marker,
"Happy Birthday Clayt, you don't look a day over 40".
While she was waiting, he was at Sophie's house telling her
mother that "he had something for Sophie".
The birthday message stayed on the whiteboard in the days to
follow, jarring with the police "DO NOT CROSS" tape over the
door.
I thought violent crime was bred by poverty, drugs and lack
of education.
That week, Clayton confirmed my ignorance from the front page
of every newspaper in the country, arrogantly calm.
Hair combed into a rooster's peak and wearing new glasses, he
looked like he was about to present a PowerPoint.
"God," I thought, "if Clayton could kill someone, then could
anyone?"
I had last seen him on Christmas Eve, when he gave us a lift
in his junk-strewn car to a party where we drank eggnog.
He was learning French to impress his new girlfriend.
Clayton could be extremely kind and generous.
Don't lose trust in your self
Many will be able to relate to what you have written, after having convinced many friends and family in the past to give someone with history of this behaviour a chance.
The ill people convince others without a second thought that all these terrible things had happened to them because of the other persons' illness, and they are a great hero to have put up with it. The only time regret would be expressed is if it has been calculated as an advantageous move. The regret would be a lie.
In time, we also come to understand how precarious it can be to be friends with a nnarcissist - there is always drama, always someone being put down in well articulated precise ways, and you get called upon to support them in their "vulnerability" from the attacks being "perpetrated" on them. They believe their lies with 100% conviction.
Sociopaths, narcissists, etc.. the recent tv programme on Sophie's murder pointed out the psychologists and psychiatrists know they cannot help them. Women's Refuge and the police also have a big understanding about this.
Don't worry, you are not the first or the last to get fooled by the fun and charm. Now many people have a real life example played out in front of them, as to the nature of a mind that functions in this way. In fact the suggestion was on the tv programme narcissists may be best not categorised under mentally ill as it is misleading. They are fully in control of what they wish to do, there simply is no conscience, other than calculated risks.
There no doubt are subtle things you now may be remembering that may have at times felt confusing about Clayton Weatherston. Community education and speaking up about our gut feelings may at the end of the day, be the only way to prevent tragedies like this from recurring. Thanks for writing your article.
Am I even a good person?
Am I even a good person? I once prided myself on the cast of quirky characters who surrounded me, friends from all walks of life, but now I wonder, "What else lies beneath the skin?"
Of course you're a good person. Clayton has been made out to be a pure monster, and the popular logic says that if that was the case, it should have been obvious, and if it wasn't, he was deliberately concealing it and you were manipulated - or worse, too short-sighted to see it.
But this is real life, not a fairy tale or movie. No real person is that simple. Clayton is not a monster, he is a person who has done a monstrous thing. You were a friend of a person who made a bad choice. That was his choice, not yours. The fault is his, not yours. The fact that you were friends says nothing about you or him - and no-one has the right to tell you it does.
In exactly the same way, what 'lies beneath the skin' of your other friends is their lookout, not yours. You can't know everything there is to know about them - and all you need to be concerned about is what they choose to share.
Doubtless as you get to know them better, they will all surprise you somehow. But again, that only says anything about them, not you. You were a friend, and that makes you a better person than if you were not. As a wise man once said: love your enemies...