Tyler Hamilton is the sort of guy who will hold the door open for you and call you sir or ma'am as you pass through.
He is polite, softly spoken and nothing like the villain you might have imagined.
But the former US Postal rider, who was in Dunedin yesterday to speak at an Otago Medical Research Foundation Club Otago lunch, was also part of cycling's greatest doping scandal.
He rode for disgraced drugs cheat Lance Armstrong during three of his seven Tour de France titles, and the deeper he got in the murky world of doping, the harder it was to get out, he said.
''The first slide is sometimes the hardest and the second one is a little bit easier,'' Hamilton told the Otago Daily Times.
''Once you are involved in that underworld, that dark group of people, it became more and more uncomfortable. Before you know it, you are leading a double life filled with secrets and lies. It destroyed me from the inside out.''
Keeping his secrets hidden was a constant battle but Hamilton maintained his silence until 2010, when he was subpoenaed to appear before a grand jury to give evidence about the use of performance-enhancing drugs in cycling.
''After you use a vial of whatever it is you crushed it up. You break it with a hammer or the back of your shoe. You put it in toilet paper and flush it down the toilet. You don't just put it out in the garbage with the old milk and coke cans. You had to be very careful.
''I was constantly worried about it. I worried more about getting caught than I did about winning, which is sad.
''Every year the anti-doping would get stronger and stronger, the more underground we went. The more you thought about it, the more you stressed about it.''
Hamilton admitted he used banned substances in May 2011 and in 2012 he co-authored the award-winning The Secret Race: Inside the Hidden World of the Tour de France: Doping, Cover-ups, and Winning at All Costs in which he detailed his doping practices.
''I was writing the book when Breaking Bad came out. I remember telling my co-author there is this new show called Breaking Bad and I feel like the science teacher. I could relate to him [Walter White] because before you knew it you were in this scene and it was like, `Whoa, where am I?'''
That was the one message Hamilton wanted to get across more than any other.
The moment he took that first red testosterone pill, his fate was sealed.
''There are a lot of people who are still angry at me. I disappointed a lot of people. We disappointed a lot of people. Because I get out and talk about it I get to see the anger. I understand their anger. And it started with one small decision.''
The pressure to remain competitive and the allure of the Tour de France is what convinced Hamilton to cheat.
''Had I said no to that first red testosterone pill, I probably would not have raced the Tour. There were other guys they could have taken.
''It would have been nice to see how far I could have gone clean. But the majority of the peloton was doping so it would have been frustrating. Guys I knew I was stronger than would have been beating me.
''I think that would have been difficult. Eventually I would have packed my bags and headed home. But that would have been cool, too. I could have gone back to school and finished school. Had a family or done a lot of other things. I lost out on a lot of other things.''
Hamilton is convinced some athletes are ''cutting corners still''.
''It won't change overnight. I know people are disappointed to hear that but it was dark, dark, dark and rotten to the core. It is not going to change overnight.
''I do feel a lot of clean athletes are succeeding in sport today and we have to be happy about that. There is a lot to be positive about. I know you want to hear cycling is clean but we know we are not there yet. But we've come such a long way.
''Back then, the difference between [a clean athlete and] a doped athlete like myself or a Lance Armstrong was massive. Now I hear you can win clean these days at the top level. That's great.''
