From Afar: Fighters need to remember all's fair in glove and war

The rugby v league Fight for Life event happens this Saturday and provides a good mix of youth and experience, has-beens and wannabes, good lookers and good blokes.

There is even a token female fight to give the evening a shot of oestrogen-infused aggression, something people find either amusing, a turn-on or wrong (or perhaps all of the above?).

Wouldn't it be great if the organisers would consider a couple of other bouts to add to the evening? What about Phil Goff v John Key or John Banks v Winston Peters? I'd pay the one-off subscription fee to see that kind of face-off.

Would Winston stop grinning long enough to put his mouth-guard in? Would John Banks take off his Harry Potter glasses to let Winston Peters know what he thinks of his party with his T-bone hits rather than tea titbits?

It would be a coup if they could get Tiger Woods and Steve Williams to replace their golf clubs and bags with boxing gloves instead, and Mike Tindall might enjoy getting in the boxing ring with the bouncer who set a disastrous set of wheels in motion after his mystery blonde moment.

Maybe triathlete Kelly Pick would also like to let loose a tirade of jabs and upper cuts on a sober Zac Guildford, and recently sacked Black Sox manager Doug Golightly might like to let Softball NZ feel what it is like to be KO'd out of the blue?

A one-on-one fight in controlled circumstances like this would surely put an end to many underlying tensions that these politicians and athletes hold for each other. Enough back-biting, gossiping and hearsay. Get it all out in the open and physically exhaust yourselves to the point where anything else seems trivial.

Slade McFarland, Wairangi Koopu, Matua Parkinson, Awen Guttenbeil and Monty Betham have all signed up to put their pride on the line on Saturday and all of them have or are members of the Code sports show. Someone at Maori TV headquarters has dared all their cuzzies to get in the ring.

I'm surprised Glen Osborne hasn't put one of his spindly arms up to shadow box his reflection. If anything, he'd be the best trash-talker out there.

In all seriousness, it looks like the organisers have tried to match up contenders who will have an intriguing but fair contest.

Big boys Jerry Seuseu and Slade "Buddha" McFarland start the night off with their burly frames, followed by pretty boy Wairangi Koopu and not-so-pretty boy Matua Parkinson.

Matua, please be careful of Wairangi's beautiful face.

Hayley Holt and Paige Hareb provide a bit of variety and my money is on Holt, who will probably combine her skiing and dancing skills to demolish the surfing guru.

If they were fighting on surfboards I'd back Paige but the confinements of the boxing ring may suit Hayley better. Either way, I hope they show the audience that women can beat the heck out of each other just as good as any two blokes.

Issac Luke will then take on Christian Cullen, so it will be youth versus experience, the "Bully" against the "Paekakariki Express". I'm cheering for Cullen on that one and will suggest he uses his speed and agility to keep away from Luke, who tends to want to break legs when he gets overly hyped.

Next will be Awen Guttenbeil taking on Carlos Spencer, who - according to his wife - is in better shape now than he was at the peak of his rugby career. I'm looking forward to the "Jackal" displaying a few creative moves in the ring and I hope the taller Guttenbeil stays away from his already battle-hardened face.

We don't need any Micky Rourke lookalikes after this fundraising event.

At the business end of the evening Wendell Sailor will take on Liam Meesam, who has been collecting garbage recently to get in shape for the fight. I hope he tosses Wendell around like he is a refuse bag.

Last, but not least, for the dedicated viewers who have lasted the distance, there is the Monty Betham v Shane Cameron bout. For Cameron's sake, let it last longer than his fight did against David Tua.

Of course, we all hope that the main winner of the evening will be the Prostate Cancer Foundation and not the event organisers, who have been known to pocket most of the profits in the past.

After going through the physical and mental training for this event, and lasting through a few rounds of having their bodies and heads pounded by another finely tuned athlete, I'd say most of them would agree that going to their GP for a prostate check pales in comparison.