It has been my experience that there are two main types of New Zealand cricket fan.
We'll call Type A the Utterly Deluded. This is the character who believes the Black Caps will win every test, our opening batsmen will regularly post stands of 200, and our nation has always been and will always be a cricket powerhouse.
Type B is, to vaguely paraphrase Barry Crump, a good old-fashioned Miserable Sod (bastardus negativus). He - for it is always a male - is never happy. If the Black Caps score 450, he grumbles it should have been 600; and a century is worthless if the batsman doesn't ''push on''.
Perhaps we could try to find some middle ground with arguably New Zealand sport's most polarising team.
... is not black
Whisper it quietly but there could actually be a very decent Black Caps test team in the makings.
No, bear with me.
There are two prongs (Trent Boult and Tim Southee) of a potentially outstanding pace bowling attack, and our most promising legspinner (Ish Sodhi) since the introduction of decimal currency.
There is a wicket keeper-batsman (BJ Watling) of real talent and grit, and an all-rounder (Corey Anderson) who looks full of potential, with another one (Jimmy Neesham) waiting for his chance.
There is a bloke who will become our greatest test batsman (Ross Taylor), a young fellow who may then take the mantle (Kane Williamson), and a man with as much talent as anyone we've produced (Brendon McCullum).
Wait for it, there is even an opening partnership (Peter Fulton and Hamish Rutherford) that has been given NINE MONTHS together.
The challenge for these Black Caps, of course, is not just to win a series against a dispirited West Indian touring side but to perform consistently against the top test nations. Only then can we unveil Type C in our model of New Zealand cricket fans: the Justifiably Optimistic.
Fight times
As a boxing purist, the sight of various sportspeople and ''celebrities'' duking it out in the ring does little for me.
But there is obviously something about the Fight For Life concept that strikes a chord.
Which got me thinking: Who would you schedule on the card for an all-time, all-era, Anzac-themed fantasy fight night? Let's do this:
• Colin Meads v Artie Beetson.
• Brad Thorn v Gorden Tallis.
• Jesse Ryder v Andrew Symonds.
• Casey Kopua v Liz Ellis.
• Mark Graham v Mark Geyer.
• The Hadlees, Crowes and Brookes v the Waughs, Chappells and Ellas.
• Steven Adams v Andrew Bogut.
• Jake The Muss (Temuera Morrison) v Crocodile Dundee (Paul Hogan).
• Buck Shelford v Ray Price.
• Richie McCaw v Quade Cooper (main event).
Woman power
I hope you have enjoyed our series this week celebrating women in sport.
It did not include everything and everyone - neither time nor space permitted - but hopefully it provided some positive, interesting and thought-provoking coverage.
The challenge now, for my newspaper and other media and sponsors and the fans, is to keep pushing for women's sport to get a fair deal.
You could start by getting a ticket for a Steel game in Dunedin, going to an Otago Sparks game (you'll see the best women's cricketer in the world), and doing what you can to encourage more women into coaching, officiating, governance and administration.
The toughest job
So long, Andre Villas-Boas. He became the latest manager in British football to get the boot when his Spurs were EVISCERATED by my Liverpool at White Hart Lane.
It really is the most brutally unforgiving occupation, football management.
Villas-Boas became the third Premier League gaffer to be sacked in December, following Martin Jol (Fulham) and Steve Clarke (West Brom).
The turnover of managers is highlighted by the list of longest-serving bosses in the top flight. Just four - Arsene Wenger (Arsenal), Alan Pardew (Newcastle), Sam Allardyce (West Ham) and Malky Mackay (Cardiff) - have been in their roles longer than two years. Only Wenger, a real outlier at 17 years with the Gunners and counting, has been with his club longer than three years.
How's stat?
There was an incredible graphic during the Perth Ashes test that was both coincidental and illustrative of Sachin Tendulkar's greatness.
At one specific moment in that test, Australian captain Michael Clarke and English captain Alastair Cook had the combined statistics of 200 caps (100 each), 15,921 runs (Clarke 7966, Cook 7955) and 51 centuries (Clarke 26, Cook 25).
Tendulkar's test record when he retired? Precisely 200 caps, 15,921 runs and 51 centuries.
Lovely little story
Breaking news!
The English cricket team visited an orphanage this week.
''It was so painful to see their sad little faces,'' said Sarah, aged 6.
Hoop pilgrimage
Here's a book for basketball fans.
Hoop: The American Dream, by Robin Layton, is a celebration of the significant, special and flat-out weird basketball hoops in the United States. Yes, basketball hoops.
The book is heavy on photos of unusual hoops and also has small essays on the hoops used by superstars such as Larry Bird and LeBron James when they were kids.
Names of the week
Lacrosse is virtually non-existent in New Zealand but it has a bizarrely high presence in some American colleges.
Deadspin this week reported the Inside Lacrosse site had published its 2014 yearbook and included in the publication was the ''All-Name Team''.
The ''preppiest, WASPiest, lacrossiest names'' were:
Men: Halston Jet Harding, Deemer Class, Hambleton Sonnenfeld, Colter Gage Snowbarger, Wellington Stanwick.
Women: Ashmore Standing, Wheatley Raabe, Kearney Sneath, Flannery Carney, Covington Stanwick.
I checked it out. All these people are real.
Birthday of the week
Walter Hagen would have been 121 today.
Of all the golf greats, Hagen has arguably the lowest profile, certainly below those enjoyed by Nicklaus, Palmer, Hogan, Jones, Snead, Nelson, Sarazen, Watson and Player.
He won 11 majors (third-most) and was a six-time Ryder Cup captain. He also helped break down the barriers between the professionals and the amateurs in an era where the paid players were often ostracised.
Merry Christmas
This is the last Last Word for a good few weeks. Presents, camping and consumption of several non-sports books (the full Game of Thrones series, possibly) await.
On behalf of the whole sports department, I wish all readers a Merry Christmas. All the best for 2014.
