No mucking around - let's get stuck in for the second year of these not-so-prestigious awards.
The Jean Paul Gaultier silver scissors for clothing knowledge
Apparently, it gets cold during the winter at Forbury Park. I know, you're as stunned as I am.
Some drivers feel the cold so put on ''stocks'', which are similar to a balaclava.
Believe it or not, there are regulations around these stocks, and they are meant to be white.
One stipendiary steward was asked by the chief steward on the night to check the drivers' stocks to make sure they fell within the rules.
After a while, he came back to proudly report on the status of the drivers' SOCKS.
No word on whether there were any Gold Tops, Holeproofs or Calvin Klein ankle pairs among them.
The R Kelly minted CD for believing he could fly
Six months have passed since this incident, so hopefully picking the sore off this one isn't too painful.
Forbury Park assistant starter Aaron Johnston got a late call-up to an Addington meeting in late May after three other starters were unavailable.
He didn't get much of a chance to check the controls, and unfortunately, the ''wings'' of the mobile failed to retract after he let the field go in race 2.
The outside arm ended up scraping against the Addington stable block.
Aaron, however, has more than redeemed himself, putting in plenty of hours as the truck driver for the Cox-Hoffman team.
William Shakespeare scroll for the best race name
Terry Kennedy wins this award by a margin. The name, which made an appearance at the Otago Racing Club's last meeting of the year on July 28, has its origins in a heated phone call or two, which prompted one official to dub a racing participant as the ''Omakau Lunatic''.
Terry had naming rights for the rating 85 1200m, so chose The Omakau Lunatic.
The aforementioned racing participant enjoyed the race name as much as anyone by all accounts, and Terry topped it off by winning the race with Chapel Star.
The duelling banjos for the microphone battle of the year
Throughout the past year, race commentator Jason Teaz would be making an announcement at Wingatui only for Otago Racing Club chief executive Andre Klein to start advising the crowd how the punters' club was going.
The two voices would battle, and get louder and louder, until it sounded like an epic rap duel.
Anyway, a speaker has now been installed in the race day office, so hopes of karaoke between the pair may be dashed.
Lazy Fiver
A new low for me. My choice last weekend, Jessica Sanchez, did not enjoy her debut, choking down and finishing a distant last.
Hopefully Conroy in race 6 at Awapuni tomorrow can redeem me.
