There are reminders of her journey in sevens rugby as a teenager in the Bay of Plenty leading to the numbness and resentment when she was banned from the sport for two years. Her dream of wearing the silver fern at Rio next year looked fuzzy.
Gould and her body-building twin sister used dietary supplements, however some cross-contamination breached Wada's code and the sevens star was banned after playing in the Dubai tournament in late 2012.
"I do not blame my sister at all. But I haven't touched anything since, I have gone away from all supplements," Gould told the Herald.
"That may be over-cautious but I do not want any reason to stop me again. This is my last shot at the Olympics - it's been a long time coming."
Gould's ban was lifted in January, she was restored to the squad and is tipped to be picked for the next tournament in Atlanta if she recovers from a niggling knee injury.
Any pause will be minimal compared with the past two years. Gould appealed against the original decision as she continued to train and work from her Gold Coast base where she and her extended family live to be close to her two daughters, her former husband and new partner.
"I had some family things which put the ban into focus," she said. "It was actually a blessing in disguise."
Ten-year-old daughter Kaia's health deteriorated and she had a kidney transplant a year ago. Gould was able to care for her and she has recovered well and is back at school with 4-year-old sibling Khalarnae.
However, pursuing her Olympic dream means Gould has to leave her daughters for long periods to train with the squad in New Zealand.
"That's been the huge commitment I've had to make in deciding to have a shot at Rio. Leaving my girls has been the biggest sacrifice."
Gould has made five flights across the Tasman in the past two months for nationals and training camps.
"There are others like me," she said. "We are mothers first and the coaches realise they won't get the best out of us if we're not being a mum as much as we can."
Gould was encouraged by former husband Ryan, who was their daughter's kidney donor, to give Rio a shot.
At 33 this will be the halfback's last chance to make the Olympics in a sport she has loved since she switched codes as a teenager.
"I just love everything about it, tackling, running and getting into it. It suits my personality. Rugby is like my release, it's like I am two people because I'm quiet off the field but I can be pretty aggressive on it.
"It's where I can be anyone I want to be."
Gould, who works for a company underpinning buildings on the Gold Coast, says her mind is the clearest it's been in the past few years. She had had a long time to mull over her plans and the Rio message on her bedroom wall burned stronger each day.
"I'm ready to give this everything I have for this last push."
- By Wynne Gray of the New Zealand Herald
