Every year, Paul Dwyer ends the club rugby season with what he calls ''the dreaded report card''. Here is the 2015 version - including nicknames.
ALHAMBRA-UNION
(Broncos, Onion, Ponies)
C+
Premier side had the year from hell and finished ninth.
Two open grade sides which are bottom of table at best, but the shining lights are the two colts sides, which will make the finals at the very least.
Premier colts under the newly promoted Super Coach are odds on to go all the way.
DUNEDIN
(Sharks, Guppyfish)
C
Premier team has been a disgrace, especially in the latter part of the season with senior players opting to watch the Highlanders final rather than play for the once-beloved ''Larry Salmon''.
Ended up finishing fifth.
Premier 2 team should make the final and premier colts should make the four as they are in third with one game to go.
Dunedin has an open grade side but the less said the better!
The plus is the club has three junior colts sides that make up nearly half that competition.
On the downside, only one team will make the four!
GREEN ISLAND
(Grizzlies, Spannerheads)
D
The season looked good before it started with pre-season academies, an increase in player numbers and four teams on the park.
I made bold predictions of a seventh-place finish! Sadly, it all came to nought.
Premiers didn't win a game and, with a points differential of -621, there is no upside.
Premier 2 team dropped out and the junior colts languish at the bottom.
The Green Island open grade side is in the final four but perhaps they club would have been better off bolstering its Prem II side?
So a D finish.
HARBOUR
(Hawks)
C+
Premier team could have won but blew it at the second-last hurdle.
It's always a big ask when you don't have a premier 2 side.
Open grade team is in the four but premier colts hover at the bottom of the table.
Numerically, the club is not strong with only three sides.
It is widely rumoured Harbour is propped up by the Roman Abramovich millions but after the crushing semi defeat by Varsity, will the good ship ''Chipmunk'' sail away to the warmer climes of Australia?
Watch this space.
KAIKORAI
(Kaik, or if you're desperate, Demons)
C
Premier side started disastrously as predicted but clawed its way back to finish a respectable seventh.
Put a premier 2 side on the park this year, which was a plus, and it finished mid-table.
Premier colts will finish lower table but find themselves in a reasonable spot.
The club still has a strong following and an outstanding club captain in ''Doc'', and the bar prices are the cheapest in town!
PIRATES
(just Pirates, refreshingly)
C-
Premier team had a better year than last, ending up with five wins and clawing its way out of the bottom two - commendable effort.
The open grade sides are mid-table at best and the premier colts were competitive. Women's side is in the final.
A club on the rise.
SOUTHERN
(Magpies)
B
Premier team should have made the final and I still can't believe it.
Premier 2s are battling away to make the four.
Premier colts are comfortably in the four although Super Coach has dropped to Super Coach II!
Junior colts should win that grade.
All in all, a very solid year for the Magpies.
TAIERI
(Eels, Elver)
B-
Premiers made their fifth straight final but fell short against Varsity.
They have a mortgage on the Speight's Challenge Shield - Snowy is sick of the sight of them!
Premier 2s will finish third and premier colts have an outside chance of the four but I can't see it.
Numbers are good, supporters are fantastic but overall performance is slightly down.
VARSITY
(just Varsity)
A
Premiers won the whole shooting box and deservedly so as they were the best team in the competition for the last six weeks.
Premier 2s are favourites to win that comp with only one loss this season.
Premier colts will make the four if they beat SBHS this weekend and their juniors will make the four.
Women's team is in the final just for a change.
Varsity wins the Ainge Trophy in a canter and that says it all!
ZINGARI
(Colours, Dragons)
C-
Premier team did well to finish sixth.
The Colours were no pushovers in any games and could have finished higher with fewer injuries.
Premier 2s are bottom of the table and, in a black mark, the premier colts dropped to junior colts after four or five rounds which caused all sorts of lawsuits, civil inquiries, defamation cases and general mayhem.
Depth is still a major concern but the club has a loyal support base.
So, there it is - another uncannily accurate account of all clubs' seasons.
Most people will agree wholeheartedly!
Good luck to those teams still chasing banners and we'll do it all again next year.
