Shock and horror. The highly touted Varsity side which the pundits (namely me) were picking to go unbeaten for the season got thrashed by Taieri in week two.
The word is Lentjes owned Fletcher Smith, the Varsity and Otago flyhalf.
Words can't describe the joy when Green Island won its first game in two years when it downed Alhambra Union at the Toolbox.
Back to the drawing board for Alhambra Union coach Ben Herring, as his team sits stone motherless two weeks in.
The big surprise is that Dunedin's answer to Atilla the Hun (Jack O'Dea) darkened the Kaik doorway after the game!
Now I can't believe that!!
The Southern Mastadons dished it up to brave Zingers outfit in the second half to sit top with Taieri.
Harbour flexed its muscles in the last 20 to put the Pirates boys away at the Cockabilly Cauldron.
Where have all the Super Coaches ...
Have all the Super Coaches gone to an English country garden???
Last year we were over run by Super Coaches.
Super Coach I Tim Belcher was coaching the Magpies colts (Sparrows really) after being unceremoniously dumped as prem coach.
And now ... not coaching at all (what a waste) and is the first new super club captain at the Magpies.
Super Coach II Little Jimmy Columb Junior is still coaching the Broncos (Shetlands) colts but there is pressure on him to move up to the big show.
Super Coach III Marty Hurring was coaching the Hawks prems but couldn't agree terms with Abramovich and has been dumped.
It is rumoured he will coach Otago B this year and is also a selector for the A side (God help it) but for our purposes, gone.
Super Coach IV Ryan Martin is OBHS head honcho and assistant coach at Kaik and still in those roles this year.
So by my reckoning we are two Super Coaches down.
Please send me your recommendations for the two vacant spots on the panel.
I already have a nomination for Brett (the Colt) McCormick, who is undefeated in four seasons as a Magpies schoolboys coach and has 4150 points for and 0 against, but I've ruled him because it's schoolboys.
Come back to me.
The other grades
The rumour is prem II and colts will start tomorrow.
The good news is there are 12 teams in the prem II comps with all 10 prem sides represented (been a while since that happened) plus Eastern and newcomer West Taieri.
Good to see the Outram Ostriches pull their heads out of the sand and move up from open grade.
Is this because "Hodgey'' has left? (the deposed Metro chairman).
Not such a good story in prem colts.
Only seven of the prem clubs represented.
OBHS and SBHS make up a skinny comp of nine teams.
Green Island, Zingari and Harbour are not represented.
Harbour doesn't have any colts sides at all and its open grade side is a joint side with Green Island!
Considering our future prem players come directly from colts, this does not bode well for these three clubs.
Next we'll be hearing amalgamation rumours.
Lance and his team at Harbour will just have to work out a way (as difficult as it is) to attract younger players to the container terminal.
There are 10 teams in junior colts but Dunedin has two of those (three last year) and the mighty Clutha has put a team in.
Whatever way you cut it, numbers are down and a rosy picture it isn't.
Throw in five teams in women's rugby and no reserve grade rugby in Central and I can't get the Peter Paul and Mary song out of my mind.
Where have all the players gone? More soon.
The Form XV
Despite the scurrilous, baseless, inane rumours in the once hallowed sports pages of Saturday's ODT (wouldn't have happened on Brent and Ali's watch), I have done extensive research and have come up with a form XV after two games: Jono Hayes (S) 15, Sala Halaheva (H) 14, Henry Scott (D) 11, Danny van der Vort (K) 13, Kori Rupene (T) 12, Fletcher Smith (V) 10, Tala Fagasoaia (H) 9, Mika Mafi (S) 8, Johnny Appleby (K) 7, Steve Roberts (Z) 6, Harry Dodds (D) 5, Jack Sherratt (V) 4, Aki Seiuli (T) 3, Sam Anderson-Heather (D) 2, Shaun Stodart (S) 1.
Country rugby
In Central Otago, the defending champ hasn't won a game. Has Alex New World stopped paying the players? Are they on strike? Somebody tell me what's going on.
In North Otago, Old Boys scored only 70, a very rusty start in the first week. But a good result for Maheno, which drew with this year's dark horse, Kurow.
In South Otago, Clutha won by 60 to say "you'll have to be good!'' United Nations Lawrence made an auspicious start to say "don't forget about us''.
But one game in, this comp looks done.
The Tipping Comp
The ODT-Speights tipping comp is up and running this week, with 130-plus entries, so good luck to all those who have entered, apart from any Eels supporters.
I'll give regular updates in this column on who is going well and who aren't.
This Weekend
Won again last week thrashing Lee Piper from the Sharks with a draw - it's becoming boring.
Up against Red Anderson from the Spannerheads this week so I win on one leg.
Kaik (13+) should be too good for Pirates under the roof.
The Hawks (13+) travel across a couple of borders and still beat the Spannerheads at the Toolbox.
Varsity (12-) bounces back and tips over the Magpies at Floodgate.
The Eels (13+) also under the roof should go three from three and will finish well ahead of the Ponies.
The Sharks (13+) should bounce back over the Colours at low tide.
The Late Mail
The word on the street is that Tom Garforth, an old Kaik stalwart who was down to coach the Kaik Prem Colts, mysteriously disappeared a couple of weeks ago and mystifyingly reappeared as the assistant coach of the Pirates Prems.
There were mutterings "of some players getting paid too much at Kaik, I can't keep up!''
It still remains up unsolved mystery and stranger than fiction, but I'll keep you informed of any updates.
- Paul Dwyer
