Best-laid plans twice wrecked

I often think I only make plans to give whoever runs the world something to fiddle with and wreck.

Once again, I had planned to join Kristin de Haan's yoga retreat in Hawea, and once again I won't be.

If there is someone out there who thinks a weekend of yoga, vegetarian food, no rugby or any other sort of sport sounds like pure, unadulterated heaven (I'm guessing it won't be a male, but feel free to prove me wrong), email me immediately on miranda@queenstown.co.nz and you can have my place for free.

It starts tonight at 5pm and goes until after lunch on Sunday.

By all accounts, the last one was brilliant and suitable for everyone from absolute beginners to the much more advanced.

My inbox has been bulging this week with friends from all over the world checking we are OK after the earthquake.

I was in Karitane the night it happened and my upstairs room in the Jardines' doll's house by the sea was bouncing me up and down like a trampoline.

Almost fun until I woke up properly and realised what was going on.

Then I worried about a tsunami so I put my head under the covers and hid from it.

That's what I call preparing for an emergency.

My Dad would be prepared.

He has his 6P motto: "Prior preparation prevents p...-poor performance."

I'm a bit grumpy with him.

After managing to turn every conversation round to cross-country skiing and marathons (just so I could mention my own recent stellar performance - I'm still wearing my gold medal for participation), I now hear that during his talk to Probus last week, he told those wide-eyed youngsters that as long as you could shuffle across the room in your slippers, you could take up cross-country skiing.

I've been telling everyone how brave and fit you have to be.

Apropos of brave and fit - have you seen the A-Team movie?

This is the silliest, funniest bit of nonsense I have seen in a long time. It even had a little bit of a story.

I had zero interest in seeing it, but our book club (we're a wildly intellectual group) set off on a rainy Sunday night with husbands in tow, and we all had a great time.

My darling didn't even realise it had no real sex or violence in it and he still enjoyed it.