Cancer, abortion, death!
"That little baby - you still wish you killed it?"
"I'm not a villain Kevin - I'm not a monster!"
Really, blonde lady who bought number 13 Coronation Street off Hilda Ogden, and who got better after having cancer before realising, with the street in flames, she had a husband who couldn't keep his pants up?
And John. John, John, John Stape - or is it Colin?
Whatever your name is, you stole a man's identity, buried him under concrete, then hit the only woman who knew on the head with a big hammer.
I hope you get away with it.
That would be good.
But on Coronation Street, it is time for a few uppances to come for quite a few characters.
The dust is settling and the flames slowly flickering out after the 50th anniversary ''train's gone over the viaduct" episode on TV One.
Some died, but too few.
It was good to see Molly crushed to death.
A cruel woman, she treated her husband Tyrone very badly.
Molly's baby lived, but looks like a bad egg in the making, and one can only hope for a short lifespan there.
Tyrone is a goose, and should also have died.
Rita Tanner Littlewood Fairclough Sullivan didn't die, but probably should have, if for no other reason than that she is very, very old.
Peter Barlow didn't die, but he surely should have.
Those pathetic scenes in the hospital when he married Leanne Battersby on his supposed death-bed were extremely irritating.
Nick Tilsley should have died, if only for being a bit sleazy.
His mother Gail should be in jail, if only because it rhymes.
Either that, or dead.
The Olympics begins soon.
On UKTV at various times this week, Going for Gold - the '48 Games tells the heart-warming story of Doctor Who, who rowed for England in 1948.
Time travel is a wonderful thing.
On Going for Gold, Secretary for Overseas Trade, Harold Wilson, recognises the importance of the event.
Tourism.
"We'll never have a better opportunity," he tells someone important within the Government.
Going for Gold recreates the heart-warming story of Bert and Dickie, two fellows from either side of the tracks who came together to win gold, gold, gold for England.
Bert is played by Matt Smith, who was also the Doctor on Doctor Who.
Should Doctor Who also be dead?
I just don't know any more.
Lister from Red Dwarf - another science fiction comedy classic - is starring on Coronation Street.
Should he be dead?
Where does Elsie Tanner come into this?
There will be eight Olympic channels, or something, devoted to the London games on Sky TV.
Magic.
- Charles Loughrey.
