We all need to hear loving statements from the people we care about, says parenting columnist Ian Munro.
If something breaks that cycle, and it can be many things but so often it’s alcohol and other drugs, then we can end up with parents who can’t love a child in the way we’d expect.
We’ve allowed a generation to develop who don’t have any strong feelings about their children or their nieces or nephews being abused or being killed because they actually don’t feel that much for them.
They have other, more self-centred concerns.
There are huge social issues here that are going to take more than one generation to resolve.
They’re going to take a tremendous amount of time and effort and heartache on the part of many, many people at grassroots level to resolve.
However, first the desire and then the determination to do so has to appear.
It’s still not there and, as unpleasant as it is to say or even think about, more children are going to suffer and be killed in the meantime.
Less dramatically, there are also many children who do know love but aren’t quite certain about it because they’ve never heard it said, never heard the words, "I love you".
Maybe because their parents never heard them either.
They do love their children but to say so seems awkward.
Or maybe it was heard but was a precursor to something else, a softening up before a request to do something or the expectation of a rote response of, "I love you, too".
Or perhaps it was an "I love you, but ...".
We all need to hear loving statements from the people we care about.
Feeling love and doing loving things aren’t the same as expressing it.
If you have trouble saying, "I love you", practise on the dog, or try a note in your child’s lunch, or on their mirror or their pillow.
Nothing flashy, just "I love you".
Your children will feel good and so will you.
And if your 4-year-old says, "Well, I hate you", don’t rise to the bait, just say, "Well, too bad, I love you".
They will get the message.
