I didn’t think I would be particularly interested in the Rio Olympic Games. With all the lead-up involving doping scandals and potential venue issues, the gloss had well and truly been taken off for me.
However, once the Games began I found myself marvelling at the feats and achievements of the athletes.
The support required, the time and effort, the dedication and single-mindedness that goes into being an Olympic athlete is, for me, awe inspiring.
How amazing would it be to be so talented and dedicated that you could win a medal at the Olympics? Alas, that was not my life path to follow.
However, watching and thinking about the medallists also had me watching and thinking about those who didn’t get gold, silver or bronze.
What about the athlete who came fourth? Surely fourth has to be the cruellest result of all.
What about those who didn’t make it to a final? After busting a gut and giving it your all you’re bundled out at the first or second hurdle (so to speak!). They failed. Or did they?
As an athlete competing at such a high level, failure will inevitably be, at some time or another, a part of their life.
Much the same thing can be said about our everyday lives too. Failure turns out to be a part of everyone’s life and really is something that we should expect on the way to achieving our goals.
Experiencing failure isn’t the problem. Seeing ourselves as a failure when we don’t achieve what we want is the problem.
We often see failure as something to be embarrassed or ashamed of, something we try to hide away and not talk about.
Failing can cause us to give up and stop trying.
But where in the world would we be if Edison had given up after the first failure when attempting to produce a commercial electric light bulb? He reputedly went on to try another 9000 times before inventing a bulb similar to the modern bulb we know today.
Failing at something doesn’t make us a failure, so how about starting to look at it a little differently?
Failing can give us an opportunity to learn, adapt and grow. Sure it can be distressing and uncomfortable, and it’s important that any pain and hurt is acknowledged for what it is.
The important trick is not to get stuck in this phase. Beating yourself up and ruminating over the circumstances will just drive you deeper down the spiral of despair. Instead, how about using failure as a feedback mechanism?
It’s important to take control of the things you have control over. Move forward with an attitude of curiosity as opposed to a harsh, self-critical attitude.
Take the time to reflect on what went well and what didn’t. Look at what steps you took.
What would you do the same and what needs to be done differently? What action do you need to take? Was the goal you wanted to achieve the right one for you? Was it realistic and something you really wanted or was it something others thought you "should" do?
We may not necessarily be able to change events that happen to us, or avoid future failures or crises, but we can take control of how we think of them and respond to them.
Remember that the thoughts and feelings we experience are just thoughts and feelings; they may not reflect reality.
Be kind to yourself as you explore a new way of looking at failure.
- Jan Aitken is a Dunedin-based life coach. For more go to www.fitforlifecoaches.co.nz.
Twitter: @jan_aitken
