The line between adults' business and children's is becoming less distinct, parenting columnist Ian Munro writes.
There's an old saying that was commonly used when I was a lot younger: "Children should be seen and not heard''.
It was a saying that used to annoy me greatly back then and yet, in hindsight, it has an element of truth to it.
My parents were letting me know that adults and children were separate beings, that there was a clear distinction between our world and theirs, but one that was of mutual benefit.
American psychologist John Rosemond interprets it this way.
Children should be seen. In other words they might, on occasions, be allowed to sit quietly among a gathering of adults and listen to the conversation.
They were not expected to join, in accordance with that other annoying instruction: "speak only when you are spoken to''.
Interruptions and attention-seeking behaviours were not acceptable and resulted in being sent to your room or outside to play.
And outside was where you stayed until permission to return was granted. Outside was also where you spent the day, especially during school holidays and weekends, unless it was too wet or cold.
Inside was only permitted for meals, bath-time and bedtime.
Rosemond felt we benefited from this attitude.
Adults had things to do that did not concern children and so children were free to find things to do of their own.
This meant children were less dependent and more resourceful in creating their own entertainment.
Today, the line between adults' business and children's is less distinct.
In adult gatherings, children tend to be both seen and heard, interrupting, even disrupting, conversation.
Parents often do not have the courage to take charge of this behaviour and let the child know what is and is not appropriate.
Rosemond sees it working the other way as well, with parents overly involved in children's recreation to the point where the recreation is no longer play but performance.
It is important to have a clear distinction between the two worlds and for parts of them to be exclusive, as much for the parent's benefit as for the child's.
Only parts of them should be exclusive because, of course, it is also extremely important to spend time and have fun with your children.
Parents, with children excluded from a gathering, can relax uninterrupted and undistracted in adult company; children with parents excluded, or supervising from a distance, can learn from the rough and tumble of their improvised and imaginative play.
And this leads me to the twist to those old instructions.
At children's gatherings parents can learn much from having observer status.
We should aim to be guided by the same rules: be seen but not heard, and speak to our youngsters only when spoken to.
