A recent article by Clementine Ford in The Sydney Morning Herald discussed the old saying, "It takes a village to raise a child", writes Ian Munro.
The point she was making was that a village contains males and females and that we need more men in our 21st-century village bringing up our children.
It’s not that men don’t necessarily want to do this, but with the mother doing the bulk of the initial caring, males tend to get pushed aside somewhat. Any involvement leans towards caring for the mother and helping and supporting her.
My observation is that the climate of fear of males that has developed over the past few decades has made men more tentative in the company of children, and less able to act or respond in a spontaneous way with them. Even grandfathers can feel edgy about being left alone with their grandchildren.
The very careful and reserved line that many men now take sends a signal to children that men are rather removed, uninterested and emotionally non-responsive beings - the very things men are being told and encouraged not to be.
And yet men are just as capable of caregiving but are just not often called on to do this outside their own family.
In an attempt to broaden her child’s exposure to males beyond the father, Clementine Ford makes a point of asking a male to hold her child at airport security and while she gets a plate of food at a buffet, to keep an eye on him in his high chair while she slips off to the toilet in a cafe, and to look after him while she does a presentation.
She sees a double value in inviting men to be part of her son’s village - for men it’s in recognising their role in this village and for children in seeing men in this role.
As her son grows she doesn’t want him to think that the only people he can turn to for help are "Daddy and a million other women".
Cerys Howell, writing in a similar vein in The Guardian a couple of weeks ago, noted that humans evolved to care for babies as a tribe.
"Continuous mothering by the birth mother was a last resort for primates."
Children of both sexes need males in their lives if they are to be emotionally healthy and able to have balanced relationships with both sexes as adults.
We need to ensure that our youngsters have the opportunity to observe and interact with older males in public settings and in places such as schools, so that they learn how to relate appropriately to them. And, what’s more, it’s how boys learn that it’s OK to be male.
