... stretched the truth on your CV?
What? No. I would never. I really did try to make a living out of culling deer on Stewart Island. The trouble was that I failed miserably. My hunting ability was way too poor to dispose of enough of the furry critters and there was this place called the South Seas Hotel that seemed really attractive to a 19-year-old — spent many wasteful hours there.
... snuck in without paying?
A car racing mate had this cunning plan. We would hire a good-sized van and fill it up with fellow travellers. Buy tickets for about half of us, fumble the tickets at the entrance, drop them in the mud and then just drive in. Worked a treat.
... sold an unwanted Christmas gift on Trade Me?
Christmas presents? We still have wedding presents from 40 years ago that we are too embarrassed to flog off. We plan on leaving the problem to our children.
... been arrested?
No, but it brings back a memory. My wonderful dad (why, I will never know) lent me his brand-new Vauxhall Cresta on a Saturday night when I was 17. I rolled it upside down in a paddock at Otatara and was delivered home by the police. The memory of trudging upstairs to my parents’ bedroom to break the news will stay with me forever!
... ate the last slice of cake and blamed someone else?
Absolutely. Not only cake, but spuds, meat, chips, and anything else that is good! I came from a big family and if you wanted fed, you didn’t hang about.
... dropped the F bomb during an interview?
Well, not quite, but close. F bomb followed by ‘‘off’’. I did it to a constituent once and subsequently had to write a letter of apology. Hey, it was justified — she wagged her finger in my face and told me she paid my wages. Her contribution was about 50 cents.
... left just before your round?
Quite recently, actually. Again, it was justified. I belatedly joined a bunch of drunken mates from years ago (they started drinking about two days before I arrived) and I could see it was getting very messy. Sometimes (in the words of the Paul Simon song) it’s better to just slip out the back.
... stood someone up?
Oh, yes. When I was in my 20s. And I still feel bad about it ... If I could turn time back, I would have done better.
... got a speeding ticket?
Several, actually, but not for some years, and certainly not while I was mayor. Never. I cleaned up my act some years back.
... injured yourself dancing?
Ah, well, yes, completely guilty. My party trick from way back was a seriously good Cossack dance routine. Let’s just say that Cossack dancing after, oh about 100 beers, on a floor covered in broken glass, is not the smartest thing I have done. The scar stays with me.
