Have you ever... tried to spice up a boring business meeting?
A friend and I — at a former employer that shall remain unnamed — would use the online Marketing Bullshit Generator to pick a word or phrase of the day to insert into meetings to liven things up.
Unfortunately it would usually only take a couple of times saying, "diversifying synergistic economies" for people to cotton on.
Particularly if the meeting was about filming penguins, for example.
... inadvertently broken the law?
I have never "inadvertently" broken the law, officer.
... skipped a fare?
I did this once on the Paris Metro, although my excuse is I was only taking a lead from the locals.
My ATM card wouldn’t work in the ticket machine; I became frustrated, saw three kids run past and just jump the turnstile.
I thought, "That solves the problem", and proceeded to follow their lead.
Just with a bit less grace and agility.
... forgotten an important anniversary?
I’ve never forgotten an anniversary, but I did propose to my wife [Petridish co-founder] Kate during commercials while watching an episode of Seinfeld. I’m reminded how bad a proposal it was at least once annually.
... tried to rap or beatbox in front of a crowd?
I have rapped in front of a crowd, with surprising success.
I memorised a Das EFX song when I was younger and, 20 years later, found I could still roll it out word for word.
It was at a party, and I’d made some outrageous claim like "I still have ill flow, man . . ." and then had to prove it, of course.
I just remember my daughters’ eyes growing like saucers.
They couldn’t believe what they were seeing.
That’s what I tell myself anyway.
... blown something up?
I grew up in rural Nebraska, so yes.
Every farm had a whiteware graveyard, and my friends and I would make pipe bombs and blow up washing machines and the like.
One Saturday night, when we may have been less than sober, we set out to make the biggest explosion we could.
I remember on Monday at school we had a classmate who lived a few kilometres away from ground zero.
He just turned to us and said, "Was that you guys Saturday night?"
We said, "Did you hear it?"
He replied, "We felt it."
How the hell we made it to adulthood alive I don’t quite know.
... mistaken someone’s food baby for a pregnancy, and congratulated them on the happy news?
This is something you only ever do once ...
