Learning to live after losing a great love

By Merlyn Gunn - Year 13, Kavanagh College

I'm trying to understand what just happened.

My brain can't wrap around the fact that the love of my life has just vanished, gone forever.

Let me set the scene for you.

It was noon, I hadn't had breakfast so the goal was to find food.

Walking through the food court, my senses were filled; fried food, plastic tables and sticky floors.

I didn't know what I wanted so my sweetheart decided on burgers.

I go to order my food and I put my belongings down.

After ordering, I look around and the world stops.

The love of my life is gone. All in a matter of seconds.

I swear, I could hear the pieces of my heart shatter. Is this my end?

I refuse to believe this has happened.

If I believed in a god, I'd be on my knees praying.

A fire inside me burns faster and hotter. My world is ending.

Bright lights have dimmed, loud noises muted. The hunger I had five minutes ago, vanished.

Flowers on the pavement wilt and dark clouds blanket the sky.

Am I the only one who's experienced this pain?

My only one, my only reason for living, has now entered the void of my other memories.

I'm lost without it, how am I supposed to find my way home now?

I don't even know who, what or where I am without it.

I don't even know what to do with my hands, or where to look when I'm walking.

Usually, all I see is a screen and my feet walking below it.

A ringtone is all I hear now, the strongest memory I have of my deepest love.

I even feel phantom vibrations from my ghost notifications.

All I'm able to do is wander around aimlessly.

Suddenly, I see much more.

I see the actual world - faces of people, colours of the sky, colours of the real world.

I hear so much without my earplugs blocking everything out - the city hustle, the a capella of birds, sounds of the real world.

Is this really the place I've been living in my whole life?

I mean, I see the pictures people post but this real life is so extraordinary.

As time passes, I learn to cope on my own.

The phantom vibrations fade and the ringing subsides. I'm reading actual books and cooking food without having my other half order it.

I look up while walking and make eye contact when talking.

I see the person I used to be, through others on the streets and in coffee shops.

Sitting in groups but not saying a word. Walking together but never hand in hand, always phone in hand.

I'm glad I don't belong to that lonely group.

I see I'm better off without my phone, without it controlling my life.

I've learnt to think for myself, live by myself.

I'll miss my phone because it was a blessing, but I think I'll try living in the real world for a while.

Add a Comment