The gender grapevine tells me J.K. Rowling is in further poo for querying the trending belief that women are not, by definition, muggles who have a uterus.
"The US Quidditch and Major League Quidditch" was until recently the title of the body managing a new sport inspired by quidditch, as played in the Harry Potter books. In this US-bred game, seven-aside teams, with broomsticks between their legs, strive to pitch balls through hoops strung out round a hockey field.
But apparently the league has changed the game’s name from "quidditch" to "quadball," citing its objection to "the anti-trans positions of Harry Potter author J.K.Rowling".
Is this true?
Name and gender withheld
Yes, it is. These are glory days for the halfwits — so the persecution of J.K. Rowling continues. It is appropriate she be judged by people who ride broomsticks.
The league’s "media outreach co-ordinator" [sic] states: "The sport has always drawn heavily from the LGBTQ+ community and maintaining a welcoming space for all of those people who might be interested in the sport is really important to us."
So out with quidditch, tainted by Rowling, and in with quadball.
The league claims that 600 teams in 40 countries play the sport. Its teams of seven may not field more than four players of the same gender. Each player, however, may determine their own gender.
(The subbing rules must be a nightmare. If, for example, an injured Sarah leaves her seven a woman short, may a Hugo conveniently declare he bats for the other side? And would it be phobic to demand the video ref reviews Hugo?)
Uncle Norm’s dark side thinks that because "quidditch" is a name now owned by Warner Bros, woke purity may not be the only reason for the changeover.
Dear Uncle Norm,
Why does TV news persist in performing street interviews with surprised citizens?
These victims add nothing to our knowledge of news because none are experts. Most responses are drivel. Caught by surprise, these momentary stars address the camera with the confidence of a kitten caught licking a Rottweiler’s bowl.
I presume news execs use street interviews for a particular reason. Is this just extra padding to help fill space?
Pearl Petrie
The trade term for TV street interviews was once "vox pops" — from the Latin "vox populi", meaning "voice of the people".
Yes, their main value is puffing up a talksy subject piece that may otherwise seem skinny. The selection criteria for what editors choose from the raw vox populi will always tilt towards the weird and picaresque.
The plus side of the vox pop is it yields the occasional gem. My own best came when posted outside Brisbane’s GPO on a news-less Easter Sunday. The deal was to question passing intellectuals on what Easter meant to them.
A wizened farmer in a wide-brimmed Queensland hat was in town for "The Ekka." (Queenslanders circa 1970 spoke a type of pigeon Strine. "The Ekka" translated as the Royal Easter Show. Its etymological second cousin is The Gabba, the home of Queensland cricket).
"Easter, huh?" He grimaced like a man caught between the choice of pie or sausage roll.
"Easter? Got me there, mate. Yer see I’m from Gympie."
I think I led the piece with Thoughts from Gympie. I deserved to be shot if I didn’t.
Dear Uncle Norm,
Several newbies have won their first jersey for the 2022 Black Bishops — the team representing New Zealand at this year’s World Chess Cup. (Because of the Ukraine war, Baku has replaced Moscow as the venue.)
I don’t object to newbies as such, but a clique of four of them insists that because we represent Aotearoa, we must perform a haka before each match. The Chess Haka-ites are led by Niles Cuthbert — a violent man whose character is illustrated by the standard opening play he chooses. It’s either the Sicilian Dragon, or the Benko Gambit. Really!
I’ve been proud to stand for God Defend New Zealand (both verses) with hand on chest. But since Cuthbert has the numbers for a compulsory haka, the on-tour rule will be that unless one hakas you’re consigned to the reserves bench.
Because I’m the team’s cultural spokesman, I’ve been directed to devise New Zealand’s chess haka. I realise I’m a pawn in the game, but have you any thoughts on how a national chess haka should be structured?
Wally Rook-Castle
You’re winding me up. But nonetheless —
Presumably Aotearoa will play the black pieces? In which case a suitable chess haka would begin:
First: 1 e4, e5. Then 2 Nf3, Nf6.
Followed by (tongue out): 3Bc4, Bc5; 4 0-0.
That should help wallop the Wallabies?
-- John Lapsley is an Arrowtown writer.
