Really? This Kwaussie, it seems, is a species of New Zealander who either nests in Australia, is a dual citizen, or the offspring of a miscegenous relationship between a human of their breed and one of ours.
These linguists claim the word took off on the internet after their Deputy PM Barnaby Joyce was outed for dual Aussie Kiwi citizenship, and punted from Parliament.
But I suspect there was no such word as Kwaussie until Canberra’s Australian National Dictionary Centre (ANDC) announced it as their hit word of the year. After their declaration, the word "Kwaussie" bounced around a puzzled twittersphere for several days, without finding either its inventor, or anyone who was certain they’d heard it uttered.
Not in Goondiwindi, not in Gundagai, not even alas, among Kiwis drinking with the old folks from home in the pubs of Bondi.
An investigation by the Guardian, (ie a phone call to the ANDC’s director) revealed this Word of the Year had been selected by a mystery panel of "experts," and that the director could provide no statistical evidence of its use. It seems "Kwaussie" was a publicity stunt by an institution which should be renamed The Australian National Fictionary Centre. But the media success of the ANDC announcement would make most PR firms feel second rate. Within days the ANDC found itself and "Kwaussie" being debated in outlets as diverse as The Daily Mail, the BBC, and the Times of India. Was Kwaussie spelled correctly? Should it be Kwozzy? And why not call this Kwaussie a Kwocker, a Kwallaby, or indeed a Kiwiroo?
If this debate doesn’t quickly die the death it deserves, we’ll find ourselves advancing into more uncomfortable territory. A linguistics professor from Lincoln or Manukau will get hoots of laughter when suggesting we identify Kiwi ethnic groups as Kwinglish, Kwutchmen, Kwots, and Kwalmations — then have to apologise when extending the imagination too far to Kwongans, Kwindus, and Kwasians. (If the prof is an Old White Man he’ll also be made to resign).
Being a citizen of both sides of the Tasman, I don’t crawl down a burrow at the thought of some new word for duality. But it should be born out of genuine use, and not be some clunky, committee invention.
Each year the Collins Dictionary announces its shortlist for Word of the Year. To qualify the words need to be new, and widely used.
Recent contenders include Brexit, gender fluid, antifa, Corbynmania, Trumpism, uberisation, and snowflake generation. (Phrase-words are allowed)If I had to choose a new term for 2017, I’d go with "Old White Men," a tag which has shot into popularity among the perpetually outraged. Old White Men is (seriously) a wonderful phrase, stuffed with imagery of old farts with bad breath and lecherous underpants.
The term offers the haters a satisfyingly large universe to despise, and for reasons still mysterious, may be used without being called out for ageism, racism or sexism. (Just a few days ago a reader accused an ODT columnist of racism, then in the same paragraph, called him an "old white man.")
Old White Men are so universal the poor sods can represent whatever the good choose to disapprove of — the wrong religion, alcohol abuse, sexual congress that’s not of your chosen variety, racism, child abuse, and probably climate change.
It’s best to ignore the inconvenience that Old White Men are also gays, doctors, feminists, victims, blood donors, and retired ambulance drivers.
But perhaps we should do away with Word of the Year awards. We have "Of The Year" citations coming out our ears. The Southern Africa Cat Council has decreed a grey Persian is Cat of the Year. The Kea received our own Bird of the Year gong. (On hearing the good news, did the Keas catch a bus to town, and get smashed?)
An Englishman called Darren Barnes was recently crowned Milkman of the Year. And if you’re flying into London this Christmas, don’t choose Heathrow — you’re better served by Gatwick, the convenient home of the 2017 Toilet of the Year. (Gatwick’s competitors are down in the dumps).
But enough. I see The Old White Man of the Year approaches. Hide the kids — its Santa Claus.
• John Lapsley is an Arrowtown writer.
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Comments
It's not All White Here.
Thankfully, these words are not acceptable style, just opinionist usage. Men and women, sounding Old and White if not actually so, have berated young female columnists with such ad hominem as 'Zip it, sweetie'. Ageism works both ways.
'Haters' is a Trumpism, dissing contrary opinion, or, diverse, multicultural, liberal and feminist viewpoints. The problem seems to be that those who object to such are, actually, old, white and men.