'ODT' hotel amenities lacking

Two teeth-chatteringly lovely frigid winter photographs, taken by Joy Bennett, of Alexandra, feature today. Top: Peeping through a frozen fence to a cottage at Fruitlands; below: another frozen fence, this time at Conroys Gully near Alexandra. Photos: Joy
Two teeth-chatteringly lovely frigid winter photographs, taken by Joy Bennett, of Alexandra, feature today. Top: Peeping through a frozen fence to a cottage at Fruitlands; below: another frozen fence, this time at Conroys Gully near Alexandra. Photos: Joy Bennett
We get all sorts of strange and wonderful emails sent to us at the ODT.

You know the ones - people from exotic countries who have come into impossibly large fortunes and want your help to access the money, recommendations to try libido- or body-enhancing products, or random invitations from women called Candy or Baboushka.

The ODT filters usually weed out most of those messages. But the other day I got one that nearly had me choking on my Earl Grey.

Alongside emails telling me all my ''fat would be gone by Memorial Day'' and that a certain company had ''been in the rubber-bands field for more than 30 years'' was a request for ''summer holiday'' accommodation from the United States.

''We would like to book rooms at your hotel from August 4 to 14'', it said. ''Please advise if you have vacancies during this period.''

I guess the Allied Press Building does look a bit like a grand old hotel. From the outside, that is.

I am sure we could find an old couch or two for our overseas guests to sleep on. But as for a room service menu, or even a buffet breakfast, let alone a gym and lap pool, well, I am still looking for those.

Doggy bags

Jane Campbell has a different view of self-service doggy bags.

''I don't agree with your disapproval for filling your own container with leftovers after a meal. I would far rather do so myself, taking just what I wanted and filling it tidily, instead of a kitchen-hand scraping the plates into it.

''More importantly, if you do it yourself, you know it is your food from your plate.

''Recently, at a restaurant in the UK, a party of five of us asked for our leftovers and were given several small plastic boxes of food. The next day I commented that I didn't remember one of the dishes.

''I asked the others, 'Did you order that?'. Nobody had. We had been given a container of leftovers from another table! Eeew!''

I had not thought of that contingency, Jane.

Wally says self-service doggy bagging is not that unusual.

''I work part time at a local hotel in their dining room, collecting plates and dishes after patrons have had meals.

''We are often asked for a 'doggy bag', and patrons are issued with a plastic takeaway container and left to place food in [it] themselves. It is always gratefully received. I would have thought it was a health and safety issue anyway?''

Judy Gillan, of Arrowtown, calls this the "winter garden''. "I noticed this the other day,'' she said. "A new water feature has appeared due to the neighbour's watering system succumbing to the 5-degree frosts we have been having over the last week.'' Pho
Judy Gillan, of Arrowtown, calls this the "winter garden''. "I noticed this the other day,'' she said. "A new water feature has appeared due to the neighbour's watering system succumbing to the 5-degree frosts we have been having over the last week.'' Photo: Judy Gillan
Daring doggerel

Hot on the heels of my call for some poetry, I received this clever doggerel (not doggy bag) from Judy Knox, of Mosgiel. It was written last year so has been superceded a little, but it is still well worth publishing:

Ode to the Dunedin City Council

There is unease in the town, for the word has got around,

That a new high-rise hotel is to be made.

Although we've got a ceiling on the height with which we're dealing,

Developers don't listen, I'm afraid.

Eleven metres quite specific; would it not be so terrific,

If the council of these figures would take note.

But the sixty-four proposed? They must have their eyes quite closed.

They'll stop 'em if they want to get my vote!

Our Octagon is precious, and it really is quite specious,

That they think they can do anything they choose -

A tower of this size, no matter in what guise,

Is just a nasty money-making ruse.

Mr Toswill he is dreaming; he should just lay off his scheming -

He says he's non-negotiable on height.

But maybe he should listen, to the booin' and the hissin'

At what we think will be an awful sight.

Car parks will have to go, and the traffic will not flow -

The town hall and cathedral will look wrong.

And through a damp dark tunnel, the wind will surely funnel,

This ugly eyesore just does not belong.

Is it honourable?

Dennis Dorney, of Calton Hill, Dunedin, has some strong words about the way honours are awarded.

''It's not often that I feel tempted to write to your column - Dunedin's tallest sunflower doesn't move me - but today you struck gold. The honours list and the distribution of knighthoods and dames is mostly just a scam to reward those who have done the government of the day a favour.

''Both major parties are guilty of abusing the system though, to their credit, Labour did abolish the honours list at one time. National reinstated it, so it would be interesting to know how many Labour MPs and how many National MPs have been 'honoured' by this abuse.

''Almost inevitably the retirees move into other highly paid jobs - National former MPs Dame Jenny Shipley, Don Brash and Sir John Key all in banking, and I'm sure Bill English won't be far behind. Labour MPs who have scored a second nice little earner include Helen Clark at the United Nations and Michael Cullen at NZ Post.

''Meanwhile, families with both parents working sleep in cars because they can't afford a home. It makes me sick.''

And on that serious note, we will leave it for another day.

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