This is your column - so let's have some fun!

Whaaat? This sheep and her lambs near Aramoana appear to be thinking  ‘‘what’s with that?’’  at...
Whaaat? This sheep and her lambs near Aramoana appear to be thinking ‘‘what’s with that?’’ at the arrival of a paradise duck family. Does anyone have any other unusual animal match-ups to share? Photo: Stephen Jaquiery

The first sentence of something new has to seduce the reader and set the tone for what's to come.

Unfortunately, that explanation means the all-important introductory words for this new column will not now appear until a few paragraphs down. And here they are.

Help! I need your help.

Granted it's not great literature, but you get the picture.

So here's your first assignment.

What is your favourite first sentence from a famous book or play, and why? Are you of the "Call me Ishmael'' school of thought (Moby Dick, Herman Melville) or are you more a "Last night I dreamt I went to Manderley again'' (Rebecca, Daphne du Maurier) kind of person?

My favourites, for what it's worth, are "I can see by my watch, without taking my hand from the left grip of the cycle, that it is eight-thirty in the morning'' (Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance, Robert M. Pirsig) and "It was a bright cold day in April, and the clocks were striking thirteen'' (1984, George Orwell).

Anyway, a belated welcome to What's With That? Many of you will have noticed the gap on this page for quite a few weeks now since the retirement of Dave Cannan and his column The Wash. Today we're introducing something a bit different. We want to hear from you about any and all aspects of modern-day life around Otago that make you stop and think: "What?''

Road cones were no barrier to this intrepid young ODT reporter.
Road cones were no barrier to this intrepid young ODT reporter.

Does something seem bewildering? Is anything in particular irritating you? Is someone in authority treating you badly? Why are they digging a hole in my street? What on earth does that mean? Why am I going round in circles?

You get the idea. And now I've used up my quota of question marks for the day.

It's something of a homecoming for me, returning to the ODT. When I left as a reporter in December 1993, Helen Clark had just toppled Mike Moore as Labour Party leader, there were hopes the first 8km of the Otago Central Rail Trail between Clyde and Alexandra would be opening soon and the University of Otago was about to embark on - shock, horror - a second television advertising campaign seeking new students. A new computer cost $3499, a microwave $799, a loaf of bread $1.19 and a bar of soap 70 cents.

Now I'm back after getting on for 24 years. "Where have you been, Paul?'' one of the subeditors asked. It made it sound like I'd popped downstairs for something and only just now managed to find my way back up. To prove my dedication to serious journalism, I'm sharing a photo of me on assignment somewhere in Dunedin in 1991.

Cellphones were just coming into vogue and a decent 2kg brick would set you back several thousand dollars. Better to buy the toy cellphone - "just like the real thing'' - at Arthur Barnett for $9.95. It wasn't for years that texting became popular and easy, and those embarrassing autocorrect errors began.

Which brings us to your second assignment.

What are the most embarrassing autocorrect-changed texts you have actually sent? A good friend sent his boss a message asking for a "meeting in the bedroom'' rather than the "boardroom'', and I've sent one to a rather humourless bureaucrat asking if he was the "git'' rather than "guy'' who was engaged in something we considered newsworthy.

What's With That? is still in development. There's an email address to write to (below) and please send any photos of the weird and wonderful to that too.

This is your column. Let's have some fun.

Get in touch

PAUL GORMAN
Telephone: (03) 479-3519
email: whatswiththat@odt.co.nz

 

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