Paul Tankard takes a critical look at our use of the English language, one verb at a time.
This is going to be an optimistic article. Yes, we can make the world a better place. It starts small, and it starts with us. Let's do this alphabetically.
• Ask/question (verbs). You can question someone, or you can question their motives, intelligence, etc.; but you ask questions, and particular questions, such as: I asked why he said question when he meant ask. The answer is that he thinks that because question has two syllables it must be better, smarter, fancier than ask: he's being pretentious.
• Ass/arse. The former is a donkey, or someone who does something foolish. In the United States, it's the human backside; for that, we here use the second word. However ass seems to be replacing arse here, especially for when the backside is spoken of not humorously, but as a site of sexual interest. Is this necessary, or even nice?
• Bias, as in ``He is so bias.'' He may be biased (verb) a certain way, or he may have a bias (noun) against a certain thing, but he cannot be so ``bias,'' any more than you can be so idiot.
• Bought/brought. The latter is not a posh version of the former, and its ``r'' isn't silent. They are two different words, the past tense respectively of to buy and to bring, and even if we in fact buy most things we bring, buying and bringing are two very different things. Come on: brrrr - you can do it.
• Every day/everyday. Every day I see people misusing everyday. They do it on an everyday basis.
• Faze/phase. People go through phases of being fazed, but not vice versa.
• God, not god. You may not believe in him, or you may wish to be impolite to him, but like other characters in fiction, such as Mickey Mouse or Bilbo Baggins or Sherlock Holmes, he gets a capital letter, even if you are just telling him, ``oh my.'' There should also be a capital for Google, which is like God, in being unseen and all-powerful.
• Gift, as verb. Except in a specific legal usage, this is pretentious for ``give.''
• Holds. Vague and pretentious for has.
• Issues, as in, ``he has issues,'' when what he has are clearly problems. Apparently you can help solve problems by pretending they're not problems. A problem is what you have if you think I have a problem: ``Do you have a problem with that?'' No, I don't: I think you have a problem.
• Majority/most. Most applies to quantities, majority applies to only some quantities, things in the plural. You can't, for instance, do something for the majority of the day.
• Multiple. Multiple people on multiple occasions use multiple when they mean many. Why? See under ask.
• Positive/negative. Stick with good and bad, unless you're an electrician or a robot.
• Programme-manage, shoulder-tap, goal-score, value-add, etc. All clumsy and pointless linguistic accretions. I guess the logic is, ``he scores goals, so he's a goal-scorer; he's a goal scorer, so he must goal-score.'' I mean, really: is it so hard to speak in sentences? He scored a goal, we added value, she manages the programme. Next thing you'll be saying, ``Me hungry.''
• Quantity/quantum. People use the latter when they mean the former, because they think it makes them sound like Einstein. Just don't: unless you are a particle physicist you will never mean quantum.
• Relate. The all-purpose verb, when you'd like to think you're constructing an argument, for how any one thing can be in regard to any other thing: as in, ``this relates to'' - which usually means, ``this is the next thing I thought of.'' Sharpen up please.
• Says and said. Yes, we say ``say.'' But just as said is said ``sed'' not ``sayed'', so says is said ``sez,'' and not said ``saize.'' In this instance, spelling does not dictate pronunciation, oral tradition does. The ``saize'' problem derives from a superstitious trust in writing, due - like most superstitions - to knowing too little about the subject.
• Substantial/substantive. Not the same thing; substantive (meaning, possessed of substance and individuality) is less familiar and hence sounds whizzier than substantial, which just means big. File under ``pretentious.''
• Than/then. These are inconveniently pronounced the same in Kiwese. Then is an adverb, introducing things that happen after or as a consequence; than is a conjunction used in making comparisons. You do actually know that.
• Versus. This is a - wait for it - preposition. In a case of thoughtlessness versus knowledge and care, it's imagined to be a verb, as in, ``My team is versing yours on Saturday.'' Treat this with the incredulity it deserves.
• Woman, women. The lack of a living oral tradition strikes again: from singular to plural, the pronunciation actually changes in both syllables: one woman, two or more wimmen. See under says.
Don't think of these separately as pedantic issues; think of them as symptoms of very dangerous things, such as laziness, thoughtlessness, confusion, dishonesty and deception, about which we can take immediate effective action! Join me in the resistance!
Dr Paul Tankard is a senior lecturer in the University of Otago's department of English and linguistics.
