Don't panic!
Don't panic, don't panic, don't panic.
Yes, it has been another rough week for the two greatest New Zealand sportswomen of the modern era.
Shot put queen Valerie Adams has struggled to recover quickly from injury, been beaten several times and has now withdrawn from the world championships.
As for Lydia Ko, well, it really is a stretch to say the golfing sensation has been through a ''rough'' patch, but she has missed out on another shot at winning a major.
Still, I repeat: don't panic.
... repeat a message
Let's start with our Val.
The first point is that we should never doubt her champion status until she announces her retirement.
When you win four world titles and two Olympic gold medals, you earn just a little bit of latitude.
This has been a rough spell for the brilliant athlete - and she is clearly going to have to work hard to get back to her best - but it would be odd if we started doubting her.
Ko's situation is a little different.
She is amazing and has won lots and has barely turned 18.
You can certainly point out that she has never had a better finish in a major than the second she managed in her debut in 2013, and that rival Inbee Park already has seven major titles at the age of 27.
But come back to me if Lydia gets to 25 and has still not pocketed a major. Then it MIGHT be time to panic.
A Central flavour
Some of you have probably noticed this before but The Clutch only picked it up recently.
The Samoan rugby team has the name of one of Otago's loveliest towns on the front of its jerseys.
No, you won't be seeing OAMARU at the Rugby World Cup, but you will be seeing CROMWELL.
Did some fruit-growers chip in to give Manu Samoa every advantage ahead of the tournament?
Not quite. The team is sponsored by Cromwell, one of Australia's leading property investment and funds management groups.
Let the season begin
It really is the most wonderful time of the year.
The Highlanders are super rugby champions, the days are getting longer - and the new English Premier League season resumes tonight.
Who will rise? Who will fall? Which manager will get sacked first?
Which new signings will shine, and which will turn out to be duds?
All I know is that Liverpool is unbeaten and I can dream of a Premier League title coming to Anfield. YNWA.
Whatever happened to predictability?
Another week, another story about Football Manager.(Yes, I'm assuming you are all football nerds like me.)
A gaming trainspotter ran the game for a THOUSAND seasons - it took 58 days of continuous simulation - and the results were fascinating.
Bizarrely, Sheffield United proved to be the most successful club in England, winning the Premier League 167 times.
The next best club was Burnley - that will delight at least one man in Dunedin - with 138 titles AND 42 Champions League titles. Bah ha ha.
Current champion Chelsea won just one more title, the same number as Halifax Town. Beautiful.
Making an entrance
How about this for a debut?
Scottish footballer Suzanne Grant banged in 11 goals in her first game for third division club Motherwell, a 21-0 shellacking of Edinburgh South.
You don't want to get carried away but a debut like that could indicate great things to come.
Equally, of course, a poor debut does not necessarily portend a rough career.
It seems like yesterday I was watching Otago being ripped to shreds in an NPC nightmare at the Cake Tin in 2007.
The kid at fullback making his debut for Otago in that shocking 68-7 loss?
Ben Smith. Not the one later renamed Billy Elusiv but the one who is now arguably the greatest player in the history of Otago rugby.
The first quote
''If anyone spots my eyeballs, grab them for me. I do believe they rolled out of my skull when Floyd Mayweather announced Tuesday he was fighting Andre Berto on 12 September at the MGM Grand.''
- Cracking opening to a story from Guardian boxing writer Bryan Armen Graham.
The second quote
''Here we come @EdinburghRugby thanks for all the memories @highlanders @crfu #ScotlandBound''- The farewell tweet from No 8 Nasi Manu. What a player, what a man, what a loss for the Highlanders. Go well, Nacho Man.
Triumph
Developers of the wildly popular Fifa video game are putting a touching tribute into the new title, Fifa 16, out next month.
They have added Fratton Park to the list of real-life stadiums in the game.
And why would they put in the home ground of Portsmouth, now languishing in the fourth tier of English football?
Because creative director Simon Humber, who died earlier this year, was a huge fan.
They've even put an in-game bunch of flowers next to one of the goals.
Disaster
There were ugly scenes at an amateur football game in Russia earlier this week.
The referee was knocked unconscious - but he was arguably part of the problem.
Agencies reported the referee in the Porkhov v Gdov game had armed himself with a stun gun at halftime to control the players.
