Calling them ...
Highlanders fans really do like to complain, don't they?
They had no right to in the golden era - 1998 to 2002 - when the Highlanders were able to make the Super rugby semifinals seemingly without raising a sweat.
I will allow for a certain level of grumpiness in the decade or so after that, when results ranged from moderately good to rather mediocre to downright awful.
In recent seasons - barring that one where the great superstar experiment went horribly wrong - life has been pretty good, really. Great players (especially the Smiths and Malakai Fekitoa), plenty of wins, and a first trip to the playoffs in 12 years.
Yet still the grumbling persists.
There are some who remain bent out of shape over the colour of the Highlanders' alternative strip. You know the one.
Others still bang on about the high number of ''imports'' in the Highlanders, as if a squad consisting only of Otago and Southland players could possibly be competitive in Super rugby these days.
Really, professional sport is just about winning. And if the Highlanders win, they can play in green polka-dot tops and ship in 15 Aucklanders, for all I care
.... the Landers
A third complaint is one The Clutch can address directly, since it is a complaint made against this newspaper and not the team.
It seems some readers are not happy with our (very occasional) use of the term ''Landers'' in headlines.
There is no conspiracy to see here. It is merely that ''Highlanders'' is quite a long word to get into a headline - the only place you will see ''Landers'', for now at least.
My stance on the use of the abbreviated form for our team's name was mixed, at first, but now it really does not bother me. We've had the ''Canes'' for years, after all. But, yes, the ''Saders'' would be a step too far.
Nifty names
Fox Carter. Now that is just a flat-out brilliant name for a son of an All Black. Bravo, Dan and Honor.
Fox Carter. Whether he grows up to be an All Black or an investigator into paranormal activity, he has a name that fits perfectly.
Imagine if other New Zealand sports stars also named their son or daughter after one of their code's greatest figures.
Mourie McCaw. Lovelock Willis. Van Dyk Kopua. Hadlee McCullum. Wilding Erakovic. Ulmer Shanks. McLaren Dixon. Skoglund McIlroy. Charles Ko. Coberger Wells. Fitzsimmons Parker. Loader Boyle. Blake Burling.
The Ko question
It is far, far, FAR too soon to get worried about Lydia Ko's inability to win her first major.
The world No 1 is still just 17, remember, and already has three top-10 major finishes to her name.
What will be interesting, though, is at exactly which point it DOES become a monkey on her back.
What if Ko doesn't win a major for the next three or four years?
Inevitably, there will be talk she is a flat-track bully. Remember how Caroline Wozniacki was criticised when she got to world No 1 without having won a tennis grand slam.
Clearly, Ko is good enough to win not just one major but multiple majors. But when will that day arrive?
Forever young
The youngest cricketer to play in a first-class match in England has retired.
Aged 19.
Four years after becoming the youngest first-class cricketer in county history, Yorkshire's Barney Gibson is calling it quits, the Press Association reports.
The Leeds-born wicketkeeper entered the record books in 2011 when he lined up against Durham University just 27 days after his 15th birthday.
That match proved to be his only appearance at senior level, and he never again progressed from the second XI. In his last game for the second string he did not bat or keep wicket, instead sending down 3.3 overs for 29 runs.
''This was a difficult decision to make,'' Gibson said in a statement on the Yorkshire website.
''I have been involved with the club since I was 11 and I feel that now is the right time for me to look at a career change.''
The first quote
''My goal was to play top-level rugby at 40 and to play well, and I've done that. I've been part of all these teams and it's been awesome, but I just think maybe I should do something else.''
- Former Highlanders, Taieri, All Blacks, Crusaders, Broncos, Queensland, Kangaroos, Leinster and Leicester (have I forgotten anyone?) rugby and league star Brad Thorn tells the BBC it is time to go.
The second quote
''What makes a superstar? It's called `it', and God lends it to you. Rory has that thing called `it'.''
- Golf great Gary Player is a big fan of Rory McIlroy.
Triumph
Cristiano Ronaldo continued his insane scoring rate this week. The Real Madrid star bagged a hat trick inside eight minutes and finished with five goals in a 9-1 drubbing of Granada. He has 214 league goals for Real in just 168 games. Madness.
Disaster
The Clutch has said it before and will say it again: the Tactix are, next to the Blues, the biggest downers in New Zealand sport. They have finished last in four of the past five seasons and are odds-on to grab the ANZ Championship wooden spoon again. As fun as it was to see our Steel win by such a huge margin on Monday night, how on earth does a professional netball team concede 84 goals?
