It's the thought that counts. This piece of gobbledygook has been used for centuries to excuse miserly spending at Christmas.
Dazed and Confused
In the days before Google, when encyclopaediae poured down the pipe like Cadbury chocolates, way before their current status as the most unwanted and heaviest thing at the Regent Theatre Book Sale, there were two leaders of the pack - the Encyclopaedia Britannica and Arthur Mee's Children's Encyclopaedia.
Oscar Wilde once said, and I'm paraphrasing, that if you are struck at speed by a rusty old Ford Cortina, you will struggle to cross a road again.
If there is one piece of correspondence I unrelentingly receive for this column, it is requests for my pavlova recipe.
A close friend, let's just call her Erasmus, suggested coffee last Wednesday afternoon.
Lou Reed stories from his three mid-'70s New Zealand tours have been pouring out of the woodwork like backwards borer since his death. Let me exhume mine.
The recently discovered letters from Oscar Wilde to Cameron Diaz have thrown up some real humdingers.
I swore on my dog's grave that I would never write a word about the America's Cup, but most rational thinkers would agree some bad decisions were made on board as 8-1 turned into 8-9.
Coronation Street has normally been worth two columns a year, I make no bones about that, but this year it's been largely bollocks.
It was back in hospital last week for another life-threatening operation, this one at least below the waist, only scar tissue now remaining above.
Almost all rational thinkers agree that the lowest form of human, the toxic offal beneath the snakes at the very bottom of life's barrel, is your common or garden Breast Man.
Grumpy Old Men was a successful and often entertaining television series a few years ago. It is also a medical condition and an anthropological phenomenon.
There are three phrases which most rational thinkers would agree have gone way past their use-by date - bucket list, elephant in the room, and Peter Dunne.
The book was 20 cents. A tad mangled, but you get mangled with 20c books. Charisma by Orania Papazoglou.
I think it was Oscar Wilde who said, and I'm paraphrasing, that while it is a splendid thing to walk towards the Octagon along Princes St, it can often be far more revealing walking along Bond.
Ratioanl thinkers have argued for many years as to the worst card that could ever be dealt to a human.