A Christchurch woman who says she was sexually assaulted at 15 in public by teen boys says there needs to be comprehensive consent education to prevent future assaults.
Her story comes after 20 Christchurch Girls High School students reported in a sexual harassment survey that they had been raped.
The woman claims that following the assault she was bullied, blamed and shamed by students from Christchurch Boys High School, as well as other schools.
Jenny* contacted the Herald after the survey results were released, and said it felt like a relief that people were researching this issue.
"I can't change what happened to me, but I can change what could happen to someone else."
She believed that had there been earlier consent education the assault may have never occurred.
On the night of the incident, Jenny, who was at another Christchurch school at the time, said she was drunk and believes she was carried to the public place where she said the multiple-person rape occurred.
"It's such a confusing thing, it definitely was a pretty major assault.
"I was confused, because I didn't understand entirely what had happened. I didn't even really know what it was at the time. It took me really long to know it was so wrong."
For many years, Jenny didn't want to acknowledge the incident, she thought she was responsible because she had been given and consumed so much alcohol.
At the time she felt ostracised and traumatised by her age group. It wasn't until she was 18 that her perspective changed and she realised she was not to blame for the incident.
One situation she recounted from her teen years involved two boys yelling at her in public, questioning why she didn't go to police if what she thought what had happened was wrong.
"I've got like a hundred people looking at me wondering what the f*** happened. And I'm with a good friend who wasn't from Christchurch who didn't know the story and who I had to tell."
She said most of the people giving her a hard time were from Christchurch Boys High School, as one of the boys she said was responsible went to school there.
"I think there needs to be more education around consent and respect, but I think a lot of it just comes from just experience."
Christchurch Boys' High School headmaster Nic Hill said young women were demanding change and this disclosure about an incident from six years ago highlights again the need for action.
"We need to be able to make it safe for women to be able to talk about things that have happened to them and feel safe to go to the authorities. We need to keep talking about these issues around consent and alcohol and behaviour. Schools, parents and the wider community need to own this issue and do more."
Jenny felt at the time she didn't have the right information on how to contact police, or even who she could speak to confidentially as she thought counsellors would tell her parents.
RespectEd chief executive Fiona McNamara told the Herald that consent education was an essential part of preventing sexual harm, as well as bystander intervention.
McNamara said that without consent education there were limited avenues for young people to learn what a healthy relationship looked like and what sexual harm was.
"If there isn't a reliable source for that information they're going to find goodness knows what online."
McNamara said consent education was now nationally available.
McNamara said we can start having consent conversations from an early age.
"Once they're older and we're talking to adolescents then we want to have conversations about consent and romantic relationships."
Hill said Christchurch Boys' runs the ACC funded "Mates and Dates" programme and issues around consent are covered by their own health teachers in their classroom programmes.
"We also have external experts speaking to our parents and students on these issues. This year we've had Richie Hardcore (positive masculinity), Nathan Wallis (alcohol and teenagers), Margaret Ross (parenting teenagers)."
He said the school has been working hard on these issues over the past few years and their health curriculum had been designed with input from University of Canterbury Academic Tracey Clelland, who specialises in sexuality education.
Jenny said not all rapists are a "50-year-old creep" and that it can happen with people who you know and are the same age as you.
"It's that blurred lines of consent, because I think a lot of the time the boys don't even know they're doing something wrong. And that's where the education needs to happen.
"It really bothers me that they can live their life with no sort of repercussions from this and no thought of 'oh I did a really awful thing when I was younger'."
She says wouldn't go to the police now, but does want to write a letter to each of the people she says were involved.
"I just want to tell them how much I was hurt by what they've done and all the stuff I've had to do to get to where I am now. And just make them think about their actions because they're now at an age where they can comprehensively think about how that could hurt somebody."
*Jenny's name has been changed to protect her identity.
SEXUAL HARM - DO YOU NEED HELP?
If it's an emergency and you feel that you or someone else is at risk, call 111.
If you've ever experienced sexual assault or abuse and need to talk to someone contact the Safe to Talk confidential crisis helpline on:
• Text 4334 and they will respond
• Email support@safetotalk.nz
• Visit https://safetotalk.nz/contact-us/ for an online chat
Alternatively contact your local police station - click here for a list.
If you have been abused, remember it's not your fault.
