Here is an amusing thought.
The human race, having polluted the planet and been unable to stop its compulsive breeding or its constant wars, still living with its own hideous brutality and still torturing and killing its inhabitants sporadically, feels it needs to leave Earth and look for somewhere else to colonise.
How would any prospective neighbours near any prospective planet in any prospective galaxy feel about that?
Would it perhaps be similar to the worst sort of bogan horde moving in next door to you in a decent, quiet suburb?
Yes.
Yes it would.
But it is precisely this outlook that is put forward in Telescope, on Sky's Discovery Channel on Sunday, June 19.
The look behind the scenes of Nasa's James Webb Space Telescope (JWST) starts with a very accurate view of humanity.
"We're not that special,'' the voiceover tells us.
So true.
"Every time we look at the universe we learn there's much more out there than we thought.
"Another Earth is undoubtedly out there.
"It's inevitable that we have to leave our home, but where do we go?''
Start packing, decent, well-brought-up aliens in decent middle-class galaxies within spitting distance of Earth.
The bogans are thinking about moving your way.
The JWST, previously known as Next Generation Space Telescope, is a space observatory under construction and scheduled to launch in October 2018.
It will be located in an orbit 1.5 million km from Earth, directly opposite to the sun, and will enable the bogans of the Milky Way - sorry, I mean humans - to observe some of the most distant objects in the universe, beyond the reach of our ground and space-based instruments.
Telescope will show viewers the people and technologies behind its creation, and take a look at the high-stakes mission to build the scientific instrument.
Lock your doors, aliens.
Meanwhile, in far more interesting and groundbreaking news, brilliant Warriors half Shaun Johnson is going to star in Shortland Street next Monday on TV2.
Shortland Street has got slightly convoluted recently, what with the English guy whose name I can't remember admitting he is not really a doctor, and then pretending he has cancer and everything to cover up his lies, then everything gets more difficult because the lies cause more complications and relationships are tested and loyalties stretched and there's no way it's going to end up all right.
Shaun Johnson's star appearance as Dr Drew's chum should calm the show's stormy waters and set the world to rights, when Drew enlists his help to win not just a contest, but a date with the lovely Harper (Ria Vandervis).
It should be brilliant.
- by Charles Loughrey
