Stumped

ODT reporter Carla Green took her American self along to  an Otago Volts twenty20  match at the...
ODT reporter Carla Green took her American self along to an Otago Volts twenty20 match at the University Oval in Dunedin to come to grips with the game of cricket. Photos by Gerard O'Brien.
Reporter Carla Green, a New Yorker who has been baffled by New Zealand sports ever since she arrived in the country about a year ago, recently attended her first cricket match. The experience has left her, if anything, even more confused...

In general, I'm not a big fan of sports.

It's not just that I'm bad at playing them, I have a really rough time understanding them. Even sports that I grew up with, like baseball and basketball and American football.

So you can imagine my utter confusion when I was dropped into - OK, when I immigrated to - a new country with entirely new sports.

It's almost comforting how little I understand about rugby and cricket. It's freeing. I know that I can't even muster up the semblance of caring about either sport - let alone understanding - so I don't pretend to understand, or care.

Then, I got sent to a cricket match (between the Otago Volts and the Wellington Firebirds).

The following is an annotated, edited, and abridged version of my notes from the most confusing three hours of my life . . .

1pm I thought I was allowed to bring a picnic. But then I doubted myself, so I hid the food in a bag. Now I feel silly. Everyone has a picnic.
1.03 It's nice sitting on the grass. Why can't you sit on the grass in other sports?
1.04 But why are you so far from the action? Why are they in the middle of the field? Every seat is a terrible seat.
1.05 A player just dove to get the ball and missed. Why do they keep diving to catch the ball? The ball's so small - surely, diving can't be an effective way of catching it?
1.07 Why is there music at random intervals when nothing seems to change before and after the music? What is the music signalling?
1.08 MUSIC???
1.15 Theory: team changes only once per game, at halftime. Theory shot down by R, my companion (and also relatively new to the nuances of this sport). ‘‘Must change more often than that,'' he says, dismissively.
1.40 Is the whole point just for the two men to switch places? The whole game?
1.50 Small girl with a blanket on her head walks up to me. ‘‘Beep, beep,'' she says, mysteriously. We probably have about the same level of understanding of cricket, she and I.
1.51 Reggae music. Starting to feel resentful of the music. Epitomises everything I don't understand about this sport.
1.58 ‘‘Maybe it would be more interesting if we knew the rules,'' R says grudgingly. Realise there are still two hours ahead.
2.00 Big discovery: NAMES ON THE BOARD ARE PEOPLE, NOT TEAMS. Still don't understand numbers.
2.01 Feel like everything is starting to make sense. They hit, try to run as much as possible, stop when the ball comes back. Point goes to guy who hit the ball. Tell R. Feel like I'm conducting an orchestra. ‘‘Now they'll run, now they'll stop, now there will be music!'' I say. No music. Confused again.
2.02 Music again. Music is my arch-nemesis.
2.08 Girl with blanket still walking around, still with blanket on head. We are the same, blanket girl.
2.09 ‘‘Three overs left in the inning,'' announcer says. Seems like important information. Wish I understood what it meant.
2.14 Music again.
2.22 Theory: maybe Firebirds are the only ones with a score because the other team hasn't been up to bat yet? R approves of theory.
2.23 Announcer says break between innings is coming! Structure!
2.26 Break.
2.34 Stampede of children. R shouts: ‘‘Why are you running?'' No answer.
2.38 Game starts again. Teams seem to have finally changed.
2.47 Everyone claps. R claps to fit in. ‘‘Did you understand?'' I ask. ‘‘Sure,'' he replies, uncertainly.
2.59 Small boy chases seagull with sign. ‘‘OUT!'' the sign screams at the seagull. Seagull flies away.
3.00 Blanket girl and woman (maybe mother?) playing Disney Princess game. Not looking at the cricket.
3.07 Everyone clapping again.
3.08 Music. Again.
3.09 Decide to root for Wellington, just to be contrarian. Realise I'm not sure exactly what that entails. ‘‘You have to applaud at the right time,'' R says. Sounds too hard.
3.15 Blanket girl has found an umbrella, is hiding behind it.
3.22 Kids run behind us. ‘‘I want to go to the bouncy castle!'' they shout. Blanket girl, trailing the pack: ‘‘I want to bring the umbrella!''
3.29 Volts apparently lost first wicket at 105 for one. ‘‘What's 105 for one?'' R asks. Looks around. Claps.
3.44 ‘‘Why does he keep tapping the bat on the ground?'' R asks. Unclear why he's asking me. Does he think I know?
3.55 Music fades up, down. I look at my notepad. Cheers. Music up.
3.57 ‘‘And that's a victory for Otago,'' announcer says. Oops. I missed it.

 

 

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