Just what sort of table manners can you expect of children these days?, parenting columnist Ian Munro asks.
This was one of the topics of conversation at a meal out recently when one of our party commented on the behaviour of some of the youngsters dining in the restaurant.
A hundred or so years ago, the children of those in polite society would be taught never to wear gloves at the table ‘‘unless your hands are for some special purpose unfit to be seen'', to always pass serving dishes anti-clockwise and to ‘‘ask the servant in a low tone for what you want''.
Today, it might be more a case of not wearing your baseball cap to the table, although you might well ask why.
And a logistical analyst might support passing dishes in one direction as more efficient than having them move randomly.
‘‘Good table manners'' can become a point of contention in some families, taking over the whole mealtime and making it a very unpleasant experience for all.
Table manners are best taught by example and encouragement from a young age so that it becomes just the way we all behave at the table. Of course, there will be ups and downs with behaviour, but set the trend early with example and positive comment.
So what are the basics? From the discussion at our table I have distilled this minimum set of expectations:
• Wait until all are seated before beginning to eat unless told or invited to do otherwise. Children need to be aware that, when at other people's tables if not at home, the meal might start with the saying of grace.
• Don't stuff your mouth full of food.
• Chew food with your mouth closed and don't talk when it's full.
• Don't lick fingers and then handle food or plates for others.
• Eat at a slowish pace rather than shovelling it in and gobbling it down.
• Try to eat quietly.
• Ask for things you can't reach rather than grabbing at them, especially across someone else's plate.
• Say ‘‘please'' and ‘‘thank you'' or ‘‘no thank you''.
• Make only pleasant comments about the food or none at all. After all, someone has put some work into preparing it.
• Show appreciation for the meal when at someone else's home.
• Make the main meal of the day something of a social occasion.
• If you rush your meal, they will learn to do the same.
• If you have your meal in front of the television, they will too. And eventually they will take it to their room.
• Turn the television off and don't answer the telephone during a family meal. Have a policy of no phones or tablets at the table. It's family time and others can wait a few minutes.
