The brutal clash of cardboard rang out across Waitati on
The annual Waitati New Year's Eve Battle between the Waitati
Militia and Clan McGillicuddy was a bloody mary affair.
A 40-strong militia battalion arrived at Almond Castle, home
of Green MP Metiria Turei, to discover a gaggle of
McGillicuddy gargoyles basking in the battlements.
The militia banged their drums, waved Jolly Roger flags and
shook sticks topped with teapots in rage.
The rules of the engagement were laid out and a safety
briefing given by Ms Turei.
''Your safety is of absolutely no concern at all. I'm telling
you think to avoid any legal complications later on,'' she
said. Invercargill Mayor Tim Shadbolt, flanked by a United
Nations ensign, then addressed the combatants.
The Waitati Militia and Clan McGillicuddy trade insults
during the Waitati New Year's Eve Battle on Tuesday. Photo
by Craig Baxter.
''I'm not sure why I'm here, but I think it's to make
sure the rules are obeyed. Although, I'm not sure what the
rules are, so I think we'll just make it up as we go along,''
That tactic seemed to work well.
Many of the militia wore photos of the late commanded Pete
''Escherichia von Coli'' Smith, who died on Saturday, and a
minute's silence was observed around the casket of the
Waitati identity before the war was waged.
After the exchanging of insults, the battle commenced shortly
The militia started the attack with a bad poetry charge,
followed by a tango advance. The clansmen were completely
caught with their kilts down and never really
The militia bombarded the castle with soft toys, soggy buns
and toilet rolls soaked in cold curry, while the clansmen
responded with water and flour bombs.
Stretcher-bearers raced among the carnage attending to the
laughing wounded. It was almost unedifying and few combatants
emerged with any credit.
''We'd only just cleaned up after Christmas, too,'' castle
owner Ms Turei said with a sigh.