Not a day passes that Chris Foot doesn't think about the tragic deaths of Bradley and Ellen Livingstone.
Mr Foot's actions on January 15, 2014 - the night of the children's deaths - have led to him being awarded a New Zealand Bravery Decoration in this year's New Zealand Bravery Awards Special Honours List, announced today.
Bradley (9) and Ellen (6) were killed in their beds by their father Edward Livingstone in the St Leonards home they shared with their mother, Livingstone's estranged wife Katharine Webb.
Livingstone burst into the Kiwi St house shortly before 10pm armed with a Stoeger shotgun and carrying a plastic container of petrol.
Ms Webb fled the house to get help and ran to the neighbouring house, the home of Mr Foot and his wife Mel.
Barefoot, unarmed and aware Livingstone had a gun, Mr Foot ran next door in the hope of talking down the man he once called a friend and saving the children's lives.
"I was just doing what I had to do,'' Mr Foot said.
He confronted Livingstone and tried to reason with him.
What he didn't know was it was already too late to save the children.
Without warning, Livingstone - who had kept the shotgun trained on Mr Foot - pulled the trigger and fired a shot.
Livingstone stumbled simultaneously and the blast peppered the top frame of the front door.
Mr Foot ran back to his house - hearing a shotgun blast as he went - to put on his boots, believing he might need to kick in the glass door to gain access.
He entered the house through a side entrance and called out to Livingstone, but received no response.
He found Livingstone lying on the bed in the main bedroom, dead from a single gunshot wound.
He then discovered the bodies of the two children.
'It's something that will never go away,'' he said.
"It doesn't matter if you have had ongoing counselling. It's not something you can take a pill and it goes away.''
While Mr Foot was honoured and humbled by the award, the recognition was "bittersweet'', he said.
"It's not about me.
"It's about Kath, and her having to carry on without her kids.
"She's a very strong lady. I have a lot of respect for her.''
Mr Foot rubbished any suggestion he was a hero.
"I just did what I had to do,'' he reiterated.
"I don't know if it was fight or flight, but all I wanted to do was get those kids out of the house.
"My only thoughts were for the safety of those kids.''
He felt he acted as anyone would, but his wife disagreed.
"Chris' thoughts were he was doing what everyone else would have done, but that's not the case,'' Mrs Foot said.
"Everyone else closed their curtains and shut their lights down when they heard the commotion.
"He was the only one who went over there to try and help the kids and Kath, and confront Ed while the gun was pointed at him.''
But Mr Foot would take any action required to help people.
"I don't want to be seen as Chris Foot, hero,'' he said.
"I would prefer to be seen as Chris Foot, fuel-efficient truck driver.
"I just like helping people. I will help anyone I can. I don't like seeing people in trouble.''
The tragedy had affected the family deeply as they considered Livingstone a friend and lived next to him and Ms Webb for years before the breakdown of the relationship.
Their young son, Cam, was also friends with the two children.
"It was only the weekend before, little Ellen told him [Cam] she was going to marry him,'' Mr Foot said.
He admitted the events of that day had haunted him.
"I still beat myself up at times. I think ‘If only I heard more or knew what was happening','' he said.
"But the what-ifs and maybes don't count for much.''
He held no resentment towards Livingstone and only felt sorrow.
"If anything I just wish he could have got the help he needed,'' he said.
"It's just so sad.''
The two other recipients of the New Zealand Bravery Decoration are Senior Constable Blair John Spalding and Constable Benjamin Patrick Turner, both of Hamilton.
Another eight people received the New Zealand Bravery Medal, including three for their involvement in rescue work in the collapsed CTV building in the February 2011 earthquake: Dr Chris Henry, Dr David Richards and St John paramedic James Watkins.
