Ashish Macwan says he will never forget the day his only child, Aarush, drowned in the back of a van that rolled backwards into a freezing South Island lake.
"All the memories come back and it just haunts you," he said yesterday.
He had stopped their rented Toyota Hiace beside Lake Dunstan in Otago during a family holiday in April because his wife Kinnary was unwell and he wanted to stretch his legs after driving for two hours.
But the handbrake was not on and the van shot backwards down a bank and plunged into the lake.
It sank 5m beneath the surface with Aarush inside, still trapped in his seat belt.
The 32-year-old yesterday pleaded guilty in the Manukau District Court to careless driving causing death. He will be sentenced in August.
After his guilty plea, he said he was ready for whatever might happen at sentencing.
The maximum penalty is three months' jail or a $4500 fine and a six-month suspension of licence.
"Truly, I'm not worried about what might happen.
"Whatever sentence might come - to me losing Aarush is such a big thing I can't feel anything - just give me any sentence. It doesn't make any difference ..."
The family had been in New Zealand less than a year before the tragedy, but there was no chance now they would return home to India and leave Aarush behind.
"We just want to stay with Aarush; that's the only thing right now." Macwan said he pleaded guilty because there was "no point dragging it on".
He never had any intention of fighting it and did not feel any bitterness towards police for charging him.
Since the accident and Aarush's funeral three days later, the couple had struggled with day-to-day activities.
"It keeps coming back. We thought with time it would get better, but I think with time it's getting more [painful]."
He worried about his wife, who still struggled to sleep.
"Each time she closes her eyes, she sees [the crash]."
In court, lawyer Frank Parrera said Macwan admitted he should have applied the handbrake on the vehicle.
He requested his surrendered passport be returned so he could apply for renewal of his work permit, which expires in August.
Judge Jane Lovell-Smith agreed with the request on condition he did not apply for travel documents.
Acting Central Otago police sub-area supervisor, Sergeant Ian Kerrisk, told the Otago Daily Times it would be inappropriate for police to comment on the case while the matter was still going through the court system
