Mulling over the mullet

David Vaughan

Business at the front, party at the back.

It's the motto of the mullet-rocking man.

A mullet consists of short front and sides, and silky, flowing locks out back.

Its history is a much-talked-about subject.

Some people say it was introduced in the early 1980s in Europe.

But I, and many other top mullet scientists, believe it first came about in ancient Egypt.

Observant people will notice that the Great Sphinx of Giza, built by the Egyptian pharaohs, has a hairstyle that uncannily resembles a perfectly groomed mullet, suggesting this hairstyle is up to 5000 years old.

More recent well-known mullets include Captain Planet (a beautiful green mullet), Darth Vader (sturdy and practical plastic mullet) and Chuck Norris (invincible mullet which could deflect even the hardest of blows).

Sometimes people grow mullets not of their own accord.

Researchers from universities all over the world have discovered that higher brain activity in the lower cortex results in faster and stronger hair growth.

What this means is that smarter people may actually grow mullets without even knowing it, and even against their own will!Not every culture supports the mullet.

Just last month, the country of Iran banned its male population from growing mullets.

The ban was one of the measures Iran has adopted to "confront the cultural assault by the West".

Even here in New Zealand, the mullet craze has died down, kept alive mainly by farmers, bogans and female rugby players.

But go home tonight and mention the mullet to your parents or even grandparents and you can expect a glint to appear in their dull, overworked eyes, to sense excitement in their croaky voices, to hear words like summer, carefree, love and fun.

You may just find out that your dad wasn't always a serious hard-working man with a professional life and a professional haircut.