If there is one thing that has always confused me, it is that when I think of Nirvana fans, I think of hyper-masculine men in Nirvana T-shirts drunkenly singing along to Come as You Are at karaoke, their friends (in Slipknot T-shirts) cheering them on.
For a long time I didn't really think about why this had me so ruffled. A lot of men who are insecure about their masculinity like to bolster it by listening to sludgy, distorted guitars with angry, gravel-voiced men groaning over the top.
It makes sense to like music that maybe feels a little aggressive, a little alienating and a little scary when your relationship with your gender identity is grounded in violence and alienation from any tender feelings.
When I finally worked it out I realised the funny thing about hyper-masculinity attaching itself to a band like Nirvana is that hyper-masculinity isn't what that band (or many other bands with similar fan bases) stood for. I'm the first to yell that overdriven guitars and heavy, charging riffs are not gendered, because obviously your gender doesn't determine how you're going to play your instrument and what you're going to enjoy listening to.
So, there's nothing musically that makes grunge or punk genres inherently appealing to men, and furthermore, people like Kurt Cobain felt alienated by traditional masculinity and often felt viscerally angry about the way that it had treated them and also women.
Bands like Nirvana were singing about their feelings, going on and on about their emotional turmoil and fragile senses of self. They were counterculture; they set themselves up in opposition to capitalist, patriarchal institutions. They grew their hair and wore dresses and make-up; they talked about their sexuality, made fun of sports and wrote journals and diaries.
I have my fair share of issues with sensitive men in the music industry, but it does seem odd to me that men who would physically or verbally attack a man like Kurt Cobain in the street would so strongly and passionately align themselves with his band.
Is it just that these men don't really know anything about music? Am I being harsher than is necessary and actually the reason they love Nirvana is that it appeals to the part of themselves they keep so well hidden? If I asked a man wearing a Nirvana T-shirt to name five songs and Kurt Cobain's favourite shampoo scent, would he be able to answer, or is it all an endearingly misled facade?
It always wigs me out when bands go from having a predominantly young, female audience to being the stomping ground of men who police either masculinity or the musical canon. The Beatles have become the go-to band for men who want to suggest to a girl that she should listen to music that is actually good, as though it wasn't young women who propelled the Beatles into our forever top 100 bands that we will never stop praising.
Nirvana has become a band so beloved by men for its guitar tone and whining impenetrability that we've forgotten it used to be (and still is) predominantly an inspiration to young women and anyone who doesn't really fit in.
Maybe I am wrong about the kind of men who like Nirvana, and maybe I'm being harsh. And, as someone who doesn't really like Nirvana myself or really understand toxic masculinity, I wouldn't mind if someone sat me down and explained exactly what is going on.
-Millie Lovelock is a Dunedin student.
