WARNING: This story contains graphic and sensitive content
Lauren Dickason’s journey to become a mother and long battle with depression and anxiety has been canvassed at her trial for the murder of her three young daughters.
Her husband has outlined how the now-42-year-old underwent a total of 17 gruelling rounds of IVF and eventually used donor eggs to have their children.
He said the DNA of the girls made "no difference" to the couple and his wife was "a loving mother".
Dickason has admitted killing 6-year-old Liané and 2-year-old twins Maya and Karla at their Timaru home on September 16, 2021.
She killed the children just 20 minutes after her husband Graham Dickason left their home to attend a work function.
She tried to asphyxiate them using cable ties and when that did not work, smothered them with blankets then tucked them into bed with their favourite soft toys and tried to take her own life.
The Crown alleges Dickason murdered the girls in a calculated and clinical way because she was angry and frustrated with them and resented the impact they had on her marriage.
While she admits she killed the three children, she has pleaded not guilty by reason of insanity and infanticide.
She is on trial before Justice Cameron Mander and a jury of eight women and four men in the High Court at Christchurch.
Her parents and brother have travelled to New Zealand from South Africa to support her in court.
Her husband’s sisters are also attending the trial.
Yesterday Graham Dickason - who has remained in South Africa but appears via audio-visual link - spoke for the first time about the death of his "gorgeous" daughters.
The jury watched an almost-three hour video of his interview with police where he described coming home and finding the three children lifeless in their beds, and his frantic attempts to revive them.
He then spoke at length about his family and life with the accused - her mental health, her parenting, their fertility struggles and harrowing journey to have a family and their decision to emigrate to New Zealand for a better and safer life.
In court today the defence began its cross-examination of the grieving father.
Lawyer Anne Toohey started the cross-examination by acknowledging Graham Dickason’s loss and how difficult giving evidence at his wife’s trial must be for him.
"I want to make this clear before I ask the questions of you today it is not the defence case today that you are to blame for anything that happened… or you should have done anything differently," she said.
Graham Dickason agreed that his wife, whom he married in May 2006, was a "loving wife and a loving mother".
He said early in the marriage Dickason’s "primary focus" was to have children.
But when they started trying they had no luck and turned to fertility specialists for help.
During that time Dickason - also a doctor - began to prescribe herself antidepressants.
In South Africa, it is legal and common for doctors to self-prescribe medication and she made no secret of what she was taking within her marriage.
Dickason went through seven rounds of IVF before she fell pregnant with a daughter who was to be named Sarah.
The baby had a heartbeat but died soon after.
The couple got to see and hold the little girl briefly before she was taken away.
The death was categorised as a miscarriage and Dickason was not able to take her child home which affected her significantly.
The court heard Dickason cried "every single day for two months".
The couple went through two more rounds of unsuccessful IVF and then decided to use a donor egg.
Dickason then became pregnant with Liané.
Her husband told the court that his wife "never expressed any feeling that the girls were anything other than hers" and in his eyes she was the mother.
"It made no difference to us," he said.
During the pregnancy with Liané, Dickason was "a nervous wreck".
After Liané was born Graham Dickason said his wife was tired and they both took time to adjust to their new family.
During that time Dickson sought psychiatric help and was diagnosed with "major depressive disorder and postpartum depression" as well as "underlying anxiety".
Dickason was known to suffer from depression and anxiety for many years before that.
Her doctor changed her medication because her previous subscription was no longer enabling her to balance her mood.
Graham Dickason said that by the time Liané was about 18 months old, his wife was feeling and doing much better.
When Dickason was pregnant with the twins a scan showed Karla had a cleft palate.
The diagnoses caused a lot of stress for the mother-to-be who, along with worrying about the child’s general health, was concerned about possible feeding issues.
As a result, the couple hired a night nanny to help them.
A day nanny was also eventually hired to help ease the demands of three young children on Dickason - who was parenting for much of the time on her own due to the demands of Graham Dickason’s job.
After the twins were born Karla’s condition was much less serious than expected and the couple were relieved.
She still had to undergo surgery and have both arms in splints to stop her touching her face afterwards.
She then developed ticks and Dickason was worried the baby had cerebral palsy.
A specialist ruled that out and eventually the tics stopped.
Graham Dickason agreed with Toohey that his wife was a "very organised woman" and she became stronger on that front as a mother.
She took "meticulous care" of the girls’ needs and was "very attentive" to everything each child was doing.
Dickason "worried about their wellbeing all of the time".
The jury were shown a message Graham Dickason sent his wife at one stage in which he said:
"You are a wonderful mother, you have beautiful children, you give up so much for the kids. I see it," he wrote.
Toohey then quizzed Graham Dickason about his comments to police during his interview after the alleged murders.
The interview was conducted over about three hours around 2am the day after the girls died.
Graham Dickason told police then that his wife was "not a nurturing mother".
Toohey asked him to clarify what he meant by that.
"It was a very confusing moment in my life and… I was probably referring to the most recent times before our emigration but not Lauren as a whole," he said.
He said his wife never hurt or abused the kids, was always "very concerned for their safety" and he did not doubt she loved them.
"There is no question in my mind at all (about that)," he said.
The cross-examination continues.
The trial is set down for three weeks.
- Anna Leask
