Nearly 14 years ago and in his late 20s, keen outdoor enthusiast James Dempster was excited about the prospect of returning to the family farm. But throw in three small children, a relentless self-imposed to-do list and very little off-farm adventure and you have a recipe for burnout.
Mr Dempster and his wife Sarah farm in conjunction with his parents. Collectively they farm 20,000 stock units across 4500ha, spread between the back country hills of Waikouaiti and some flatter farmland at Flag Swamp where the couple live with their three sons.
‘‘I was into mountaineering so we would spend a lot of our downtime out in the back country having some amazing adventures and we would keep fit with running. Mountain biking was also a big part of my life.’’
Making the move back to the farm was a welcome change to living in the city, and the couple knew a rural upbringing is what they wanted for the young family they had started.
With the change in lifestyle came an unexpected shift in work-life balance.
‘‘The farm is just this ever-revolving wheel of work. There is a longer list of things to get through than there is time to do it. After a few years, I just felt totally overwhelmed.’’
At the same time as moving home, the couple had also started their family.
‘‘The activities and adventures we had enjoyed together as a couple were replaced with young children and work and it all caught up with me.’’
It took an open conversation with his wife to acknowledge things weren’t quite right.
‘‘I haven’t talked about this with many people at all, so it’s a little surprising that I am saying it here, but it was a real low point for me. It was a slow burner that crept up on me and I realised that things weren’t quite right.’’
The couple discussed where things had gone awry.
‘‘We talked about where our values lay and what were the things we used to do for enjoyment. Once I had worked out what was missing, it didn’t take long to bounce back.’’
Mountain biking has become an integral part of his lifestyle change.
‘‘The biggest thing that had to change was my mindset. I had to let go this feeling of guilt that was totally self-imposed; the guilt I felt for not working on the farm and going for a ride. I had to prioritise that as something that was just as important as the farm work.
‘‘Sarah is great. She understands I need that time and vice versa. It helps that we support each other and take time out to train. Tag-teaming with a young family is what makes it all work. It’s also really nice to have found our identity again as you tend to lose it when kids and work take over.’’
Now that their boys are a bit older, the family have found bike riding and snow skiing are sports they can all do together.
‘‘Skiing has been great as they all keep up and we can have a lot of fun out on the slopes together. Quite a few years persevering on the learner slopes with them has finally paid off,’’ he said, laughing.
Sharing his own journey of self-improvement, Mr Dempster is a big believer in normalising the discussion around mental health.
‘‘I think it is important that we talk about it more. That it’s nothing to be ashamed of, and there is hope if you can take steps to get into a better space.’’
