I last saw my wife about eight days ago.
The Sims 3
Electronic Arts
PC
Four stars (out of five)
She took my copy of The Sims 3, said something about dinner being in the oven and made straight for the laptop.
This story is partly apocryphal, of course.
I seem to remember I made my own arrangements for sustenance that night.
The thing with The Sims, the best-selling franchise in the history of home computer gaming, is that it grabs its devotees with a sudden, powerful desire to shelve the mundanities of real life for the embrace of the simulated universe.
If you haven't heard of the Sims - in other words, you haven't noticed the rise of gaming in the past 20 years - all you need to know is it is a strategic simulation game that allows you to control the life, loves, needs, wants and pretty much everything in between of a virtual character.
The series has sold more than 100 million copies, with both Sims 1 and Sims 2 getting plenty of expansion packs.
The third edition of the game has been delayed a little but, judging by my wife's ringing endorsement and my own snatches of time on the game, it has been worth the wait.
In a quantum leap from the first two editions, Sims 3 gives you huge freedom to explore your neighbourhood in real time.
This is now the norm in most games but previously the Sims has been bogged down with loading screens and waiting times.
Now, you can stroll down to the grocery store, browse the shelves of the local bookshop, take in a movie, pay your respects at the cemetery, go fishing . . . dozens of activities.
Even better, you can just barge into a neighbour's house and have a good look around.
Just don't, er, use the bathroom facilities, or your approval rating will plummet.
Characters now have more defined life goals and personality traits.
When you create them, you can tick a variety of boxes, making your Sim a wallflower, a genius or, rather disconcertedly, an absolute nutter.
And when you help fulfil your Sim's wishes, by educating them or feeding them or building a relationship, you earn "lifetime happiness" points to buy new traits, examples of which are Haggler (permanent discount while shopping) and Steel Bladder (never having to wee).
Sims now age and eventually die - this can be turned off - and there is a much more developed range of options for what to do at your job (leave early, suck up to the boss).
Romance hasn't been forgotten, with a new option for "woo hoo" with your significant other.
Don't panic, video game police: the game has a Mature rating but you don't see anything.
Some may find the use of the mouse wheel to get the correct view of your Sim takes a while to master, while the rate at which you accumulate money to improve your Sim's life is painfully slow.
But the good news is that Sims fans will be delighted with where the series has gone.
First-timers will get a thrill, too, but those who just don't get the concept will still be wondering why we bother.
Look out for the collector's edition with free sports car download, a 2GB green diamond-shaped USB drive and 1000 Sim Points.
