I had intended to keep this matter secret, but a few days' short of the new year my resolve is weakening.
And, since the PM has already spilled the beans about All Black captain Richie McCaw turning down a knighthood, I thought it was time to come clean.
I will not be getting an honour of any description in the new year. It's a pity because I was hoping to break with the tradition of being humble and surprised in my moment of glory.
It has always baffled me why anyone is surprised on the big day - once in the running, haven't they had to agree to it?
Tradition breaking is obviously OK now. So, even though the information on the Department of the Prime Minister and Cabinet website says there is a long-standing convention the source of nominations received by the prime minister is not disclosed, I am happy to tell you I nominated myself.
To save you lodging Official Information Act requests for the details, it is best explained in the letter I received, reproduced below.
To protect the identity of the sender I have censored that bit, but it is possible the person concerned may have been brought up in a state house.
Dear Mrs McLean,I regret to inform you that your nomination for what you crudely called a "New Year's gong" has not been successful.
It was not clear to anyone in this office just what you thought you should receive an award for.
Saying bluntly, and I quote from your letter, "I thought you might want a few people who had nothing to do with rugby to swell the honours list and I reckon I would be a good candidate for that" does not, with respect, seem much of a reason to award you anything.
Your contention you might have been one of the few people in the country who didn't watch the Rugby World Cup final on television, although you did listen to it on radio, does not exactly qualify you for an award for services to broadcasting.
It was a relief to hear you were not keen to become a Dame Companion of the New Zealand Order of Merit, although I am not sure your reason was appropriate - and again I quote - "I fully accept this would not be fair to you because Dame Elspeth would be hard for you to pronounce on official occasions [or any other time, for that matter]".
As you know, when I make offers to anyone involved with rugby I am deadly serious, but I cannot help wondering if you are giving this issue the seriousness it deserves.
However, since we try to be scrupulously fair in our dealings with nominees, I asked my staff to delve into your background a little to see if there were issues warranting further consideration.
Frankly (if you do not mind me lapsing into Don Brash-speak), what they found was a little disturbing.
My informants tell me you have been highly critical of the idea of charter schools, something the Government is trialling to appease my new best friend John Banks (someone who is truly worthy of an honour).
We have you on record as saying you cannot understand why "the Government is bleating on about choice in education when it has spent the past three years trying to shove the nonsensical National Standards down the throats of primary teachers".
Further, you have had the temerity to suggest that, rather than schools being the problem, they have actually been steadily increasing the number of pupils they are turning out with qualifications.
You point out in the years between 2003 and 2010 Maori and Pacific children have had the largest percentage increases in numbers leaving with NCEA level 2 - 92% and 61% respectively. I am pleased you note that their rates are still too low.
Overall, you say, the percentage of school leavers with NCEA level 1 or above has gone from 67% in 2002 to 87% in 2010, but then you ridiculously ask if MPs have been as productive in that time.
You suggest that schools, "far from being the bastion of uselessness [another word you would find hard to say] we are led to believe they are", are actually making a big difference in the lives of many young people from impoverished homes.
You say you feel sorry for those teachers, particularly in low-decile schools, who are innovative, hard-working and successful with pupils whose lives outside school may be abysmal.
I understand you have said the charter schools proposal is "muddled, delusional and based on questionable evidence".
I respectfully suggest the same could be said, Mrs McLean, for your honours nomination.
Yours faithfully,(CENSORED)
• Elspeth McLean is a Dunedin writer.
