Each time I think I may have gained it, it slips from my fingers. Because of this, there isn’t much to report back from first-year life.
Everyone seems to be running on pure adrenaline and the requirement to keep going. Each day feels both more productive and tiring than the last.
I think there are a couple things that make finding this consistency so difficult.
First, there is a distinct aspect of "temporary" to hall life. Because of this, we are determined to make the most of every opportunity that comes our way.
We rush everywhere every second. There’s a definite need to learn how to say "no" to a too-busy life.
But then, at the same time, there is an open awareness that St Paddy’s is only just around the corner, and then Baseline Festival, and after all this, it will soon be Easter break and many of us will be stuffing our lives back into too-small bags and returning home.
This idea of "home" is the second thing which makes consistency hard to find.
How can we be expected to find steadiness in our days when there isn’t quite that steadiness in our own sense of belonging?
I do feel stretched taut between two different places. Even though I know Dunedin — I’ve lived here my whole life — I often find myself reflecting over the unfamiliarity of this side of it.
I am used to hearing the ocean from my bedroom window. Now, if I focus hard enough, I can pretend that the rush of distant traffic combined with the faint hum of whirring air conditioner machines outside my building will suffice.
I am beginning to see Dunedin through my friends’ new perspectives, forced to reflect on my believed knowledge of my hometown upon their range of questions.
It’s certainly strange to feel out of place somewhere which is supposed to be your own.
Even stranger is the fact that when I say "I’m back home" this now carries two meanings.
It feels almost too hasty to admit that Arana is somewhere I now consider "home".
Somewhere I have been for just over three weeks, where I may not even know all the people yet, brings that intimate comfort that a home only can.
And then there are the more obvious interruptions which impact any attempt at stability: lingering sickness, a bad day, a sudden bout of loneliness.
But there are qualities which make it easier for us, which inspire us, encourage us to find a pattern to our lives and implement it regularly.
A lot of these come from those who work within our hall. Perhaps not anything that they are aware they’re doing, but these small efforts make an immense difference.
Our wardens and kaiāwhina whare sit at the main table, a family within themselves.
We might spot a few pairs around on their daily checkups at 10pm quiet time, or walking on to campus, chatting together.
This aroha that is created between them is passed down to us, fostering an environment in which we feel comfortable and secure.
Even a simple "Hey there" when passing in the hallway is a welcome that can go a long way.
Lectures as well, despite being a source of stress, simultaneously provide a much needed structure.
Something to centre our days around, upon which we can rely when aspects of our life might feel jumbled or overwhelmingly out of order.
Maybe no-one actually knows how to manage everything in a manner which remains consistent over time?
Adapting to this uncertainty is something that we will continue to do over this year, and hopefully, we will become increasingly better at it.
And when life might seem a bit like a marathon effort, a good night out at the end of the week is always provided.
Shoutout to you Subs, we’ll most certainly be back.
• Eleanor Wong is a Dunedin first-year University of Otago student.
