Tempers fray, people say things in the heat of the moment they don’t really mean and you quickly learn that having, or pretending to have, a thick skin may be your best protection against the chaos and clamour around.
Of course it shouldn’t have to be like that. Most people can stomach a certain amount of what might be called "robustness" for a while. But when it becomes insidious, the insults personal, abusive or sexual in nature, with much shouting and implied violence, then there can be no doubt a line has well and truly been crossed.
The repercussions of such a toxic work environment on employees, especially those in less senior roles or where there is a marked power imbalance, are serious and ongoing. Bullying in the workplace can cause a range of mental health issues, post-traumatic stress disorder and, in extreme cases, lead to suicide.
The latest news about chef Vaughan Mabee, who has resigned from Lake Hayes restaurant Amisfield amid complaints of inappropriate and bullying behaviour towards staff, highlights how out of kilter things can get in a cauldron-like kitchen environment.
New Zealand prides itself on being charitable and tolerant, and for its historical leadership of such important global issues as women’s suffrage and the nuclear-free movement. But as a nation it is performing appallingly when it comes to doing anything about workplace bullying.
An investigation by this newspaper last year found much bullying is swept under the carpet, hidden by confidential non-disclosure agreements which outgoing employees are coerced into signing.
The statistics show how bad things are. New Zealand ranks second-worst in the world for workplace bullying, behind Austria. It conservatively costs the country more than $1.4 billion annually. There has never been a successful prosecution of an employer by health and safety regulator WorkSafe NZ for causing psychological harm through workplace bullying in the 10 years of the Health and Safety in Work Act.
Yet in that investigation we found little or no appetite from politicians to improve the situation. While Labour MP Helen White has drafted a private member’s Bill coming up with new ways to stop the bullies, there is criticism of Workplace Relations and Safety Minister Brooke van Velden for overseeing the erosion of already feeble protections.
It seems to be at its worst in the hospitality industry, particularly in the kitchens of restaurants.
This can’t come as any great surprise, given kitchens are highly stressful places. The more prestigious the restaurant, the more expensive its offerings, the more pressure there is to maintain and enhance its reputation.
Television has revelled in the grumpy chef, the angry chef, the sweary chef, impatiently belittling their staff, yelling obscenities and sometimes throwing objects or standing over them intimidatingly to make their point.
But every foul-mouthed Gordon Ramsay does huge damage to efforts by the more enlightened to show that life in the kitchen doesn’t have to be that way.
The headlines about Mr Mabee are shocking and concerning. According to several women who worked with him, he made degrading and offensive comments to female staff, yet allegedly was allowed to get away with it for years because management tolerated that behaviour from someone they treated like "God".
Amisfield owner John Darby has shared that Mr Mabee received two written warnings for behaviour in 2016 and 2022, and that more recent complaints had led to Amisfield accepting his resignation.
Mr Mabee has now apologised to staff and colleagues for his inappropriateness and "inconsiderate" comments, saying he let them down and he meant no malice or harm.
As bad as such bullying actions are, it is concerning that clearly in some cases management are still afraid to rock the boat and do something about it.
You just cannot treat people in the workforce like this and expect to get away with it. If you experience workplace bullying, call it out.
